22 july 2022
I've been listening to the back episodes of Tilde Whirl and was reminded of feels. I was hesitant of using feels at first because of how they were published by default, but now that I've turned publishing off, I feel better about feeling.
I've been receiving a lot of signs from the universe that I should be journaling. Tilde Whirl, strangers on the bus, etc. And I do think journalling is a valuable tool for my mental health, so here it goes. :)
The past few days I've been chased around by the thought that people don't like me. It's something that I've struggled with most of my life. I tend to be a "people pleaser" and thinking that I'm disliked can trigger a depressive episode. Some things that I want to remember:
- People disagreeing with me != them not liking me.
- If someone doesn't like me, that doesn't affect my intrinsic worth.
- There are many people in the world for which I have strong indication that do, in fact, like me.
Also today I'm finishing recompiling my resume with JSON resume schema and applying for a position with the Toronto Public Library. It's a senior engineering position. While I've had that title before, something about the title "senior" brings some weight and stress to the idea of the role, and almost makes me want to skip applying for it. But I do meet the qualifications, and the worse they can do is not respond, so here goes nothing.