14 may 2023
When my partner and I started dating six and a half years ago, I told them that I wanted to adopt or foster kids when I turned 35. Their response at the time was something like, "I'm not sure if I want kids, but if I did, I'd want to adopt for foster." We've talked about it off-and-on, especially on my birthday. I'm now 34, so I'm starting to do some things to get ready to foster: researching the process, looking into getting a bigger space, talking to people about it. Then, just this week, they dropped the bombshell: they don't want to foster/adopt. I could always sense some hesitance in their voice when I brought up the topic, so I can't say I'm too surprised, and I'm glad they told me (though I wish they told me earlier.)
Now I'm at a cross-roads. Do I give up on this dream? Do I end the relationship? Do I lean into the poly aspect of our relationship and find someone who is interested in co-parenting?
I'm happy with the way I handled them telling me. I said, "I'm going to need some time to think about and process this. Though I need to be honest that this is a big deal to me and might have some impact on our relationship." They were a little shaken up, but they appreciated my honesty and respected my boundaries.
I think everything will work out.