04 july 2023
My partner and I had an argument yesterday about how I wasn't being as COVID cautious as them and that made them feel unsafe. There are a few things wrapped up into this that I want to unpack:
- at the end of the day, what makes them feel unsafe is true for them and not for me to debate
- part of me wonders if this is a proxy for being uncomfortable with dating a lot of people right now as we open up into a poly relationship
- I have been very COVID cautious for the past three years, and I've slowly been taking more risks (eating inside, being indoors without a mask, traveling, going on dates), I don't believe the risks are reckless
If my suspicion is correct that part of this is to get me to slow down the number of dates I'm going on, well I've even thought out loud to them that I'm going on too many dates and it's not sustainable to keep at this pace and balance other life commitments and work, so even though I feel a little attacked and surprised by their remarks, we might actually be in agreement as far as the end goes.
I do think their fear, while justified, may serve them in the long run. This morning they texted me, "I don't want to be a sad hermit forever. I want to get to where you are."
What do I say when we regroup and talk about this? "I'm sorry..." for what? I suppose I am sorry for initially getting defensive and making assumptions about why they brought this up. I'm sorry for not asking questions about what they meant and "mind-reading" what they wanted. I want them to feel comfortable, but I also want to live a free and happy life. If there's somewhere we can meet in the middle, then I'm willing to work towards it.