24 july 2023
I've been thinking the last couple of days about whether or not I really want the manager position. I have not enjoyed the dynamic of my team as we've prepared for launch. I realize this is probably true of all projects which go to production from large institutions, you deal with "the crunch," but I don't like what it did to me and my teammates.
Little warning bells are going off that maybe I should stay on my current (matrixed team), and perhaps continue the march towards principal software engineer. I have the luxury of being senior without contending with managing people. This would be even more the case if I made it to principal. Also being a manager with major depressive disorder is tough. The last time I started out with it, I wound up on disability for a very major episode. Do I really want to risk it? Maybe I should stick to being a worker amongst workers.
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Hey Amy, I'm considering withdrawing my application for the engineering manager position. Upon some further reflection, I feel like it might not be the best fit for me right now.
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On the other hand, I'm so close to the end of the interview process, maybe I should just finish it up, gather the feedback from the interview, and see how it lands. Leave it in the hands of my higher power. If I'm painstakingly honest in these last rounds of interviews and I still get offered the job, maybe it'll be alright.