24 march 2020
i'm listening to Tiderays by Volcano Choir. i always thought it was "ti-der-ays" but now that i'm looking again i guess it makes more sense for it to be "tide-rays." no matter. it's a good song. go listen.
what the fuck are we all supposed to do right now? COVID is upon us. today was essentially day one of my adjusted life. day. one. i'm already tired of it (and of course i'm already tired of it) but why is this so terrible? freshman year i used to do this all the time! never leaving my dorm room, eating little to nothing, sustaining on espresso and a bunch of "new girl" while writing long enigmatic journal entries that i'll be re-reading over and over for the rest of my life. what have i lost? the apartment i'm trapped in now is much larger than the dorm room was then. maybe it was my choice then, but it isn't now. but i could still walk around outside if i wanted. i did then. and i could now, if i wanted.
it's everyone now, too. back then it was just me, in my room, alone, while the rest of the world churned outside of my window noiselessy grinding. but not now.
how long are we going to keep pretending? department heads and professors desperately holding on to any semblance of normalcy through the webcam, nearly strangling it to death. knuckles white and taut. we will not get it back. we will get something different. i just hope it's something better than what we have now.