21 december 2025
Been thinking about my life choices, what I would do different if I were to go back. First thing I wouldn't let myself get flunk'd in high school, it was easily avoidable and there was no good reason for me to flunk the way I did. In university I would try harder on the first year, should've studied a lot more in my second semester. Had I done so, on my second year of uni I would've had it a lot easier. Studying is a skill and if you keep at it does improve. For my current friend group (were I to meet them having done different choices) I would maybe try to be less of a pain to specific people (tho, honestly, for how it is now it's not really my fault anymore. They really are closed minded and can't really let go).
Maybe during my high school years I would try to get a part-time programming job, just to get used to working with imbeciles and have money to spend. That would've also given me better time management skills I suppose (I always had a hard time studying for more than two subjects at a time).
As for now, I feel like I'm in a position that is really hard to get out of. I feel like I'm chest deep in a swap and I'm too tired from struggling and too tired to get out on my own. More and more I feel like a money sink for my family and that really bothers me. Realisticly I wouldn't be able to pay them back for a while given the job market here in Italy, not that it is impossible (or that they'd care, pretty sure they wouldn't want me to give them any money back), but still.