~owls@TTBP



23 july 2021

Still happy about the computer issue we finally found a fix for yesterday. Still running without issue right now despite some very heavy Firefox use.

Currently making a nice bookmarks directory for our qutebrowser homepage since there's no bookmarks tab there and we use it as a backup for when Firefox is borked or overkill. Honestly want to use it more, it's pretty nice.

Venting ahead, mostly about compulsive caregiving and a friend with suicidal ideation issues. No obligations to read anything.

Yet again, someone has told us we're the only reason they haven't killed themselves. This is the third time now and it feels like everyone we get to know does this to us at some point. It's intensely frustrating and stressful because we can't step away when this happens. These are our friends and family, and they're genuinely suffering when this happens. They mean it when they say that we're their only support. And we don't have other people we can lean on. We're stuck trying to play therapist and life support to mentally ill friends because we can't not take care of people when they need it. It's incredibly terrifying to step back. It feels like we're abandoning them if we do that. And today that same person posted vent art to a group chat that was very clearly suicidal ideation that was just one step short of drawing themself as dead. The pressure is getting to be too much but we really are their only support. Even their parents aren't helping them. We did our best to draft up a plan with them on how to get help since they do want help, but it has to be executed successfully. They're at a point where if the plan fails, I'm 95% sure they will attempt. It's too much. On top of that, our mom is outsourcing her work to us and using us as a second brain- which we're fine with, but it's a lot on top of this. At least the college quarter doesn't start up for another month.