27 august 2021
Not a very busy day. A friend of ours decided to switch to Linux (Mint, to be specific) after trying it out in a VM, so we helped him start to get his bearings. Kind of an odd situation since he's familiar with some things that were hard for us, and totally new to things we considered quick to pick up. Glad he likes it though. You know it's a good fit when someone uses it for a day and then sends you a message out of the blue saying "SCREW WINDOWS!!!!!"
Been feeling scattered today. Spacy, not really quite here. I have a vague guess as to why but I don't know- my guess is that it's because of upcoming medical and psych things. We're on the path to a full neuropsych evaluation to get a formal autism diagnosis so we have the paperwork for accomodations and supports, which is a good thing but also terrifying because we haven't exactly had good past experiences with psychiatry, and this is a 3-4 hour evaluation of everything. Plus: if we have a problem or divergence, it's probably getting spotted. Con: that's four hours in a situation that's scary even to think about. It'll be worth it hopefully. We can't get by in a workplace without accomodations. It doesn't end well. Then on top of that, we have a cavity filling in a few weeks (ugh...) and found out that the yearly blood draw is coming up, the latter being an extremely stressful event for us thanks to a phobia we still haven't overcome. It's been well over a decade of working on it and we're only recently able to touch our inner arm without freaking out.
Oh, and we ran out of instant rice today. It's a tiny thing, but little unexpected things like that can throw us off pretty bad. That was going to be our lunch today and we were looking forward to it. It broke the schedule and our brain really doesn't like routine breakage.
Otherwise okay though. Was happy earlier, danced to some music while there was no one to watch. I'm a horrible dancer but it's fun :P Just kind of in an odd mood right now that I don't have the right words for. Stressed out and something else. Just don't feel like much is real tbh, I know it is real but everything is just distant and feels the same as playing a game or watching a movie. It doesn't feel like things are actually there just a few inches away, like it's just a bad projection. Derealization is unpleasant.
We'll be alright, don't worry. This happens and we just live with it. We'll be perky and upbeat before you know it and it'll be like this never happened at all.