20 december 2021
It's been a frenzied few days! There was nothing to do, so we sat down and coded for three days straight. Worth it! Our poor hands aren't happy because we forgot a wrist rest but that's fine, we'll rest them and it'll be okay. Point is, WE MADE A THING.
https://codeberg.org/Candlebrae/MultiChat
It's a personal chat program! It lets you make as many users as you want, and switch who's talking by sending numbers (so the first user is 1, second is 2, etc.). Nothing connects to the internet, so it's just you talking to yourself. Or talking to the other folks rattling around your skull with you :P
Been really good practice with a few things, and a few little challenges! Got really good at writing and reading to and from files with this one because it's all logged to a text file. Also got some more practice with the random module (friend of ours asked for a random quote picker command and dice rolling command inside it) and a lot of practice passing variables around. Also learned that the readline module is glorious on Linux. ARROW KEYS WORKING AS INTENDED! It's great!
Anyway, yeah, feeling good because we've been Very Busy making this. Happy that it works and it helps us talk to each other externally in a way that's private. Nothing leaves our computer unless we go and send the text file somewhere ourselves :)
Other news... not a lot? This has been the sole contents of our brain for three days, haha. I'm so glad it's working.
Oh, actually, a little news otherwise. Our mom went to her work holiday party and they adore her. She got a nice tote bag that she's thrilled with as a gift. TBH she seems happier now that she's all caught up at work.
There's a nasty cold going around our family. Knock on wood, we've been spared so far, but odds are we'll get sick and be miserable for a few days. Oh well!
Continuing to do reading on Internal Family Systems therapy because some of its ideas are really helpful for us. Still think the concept of the Self is sort of bullshit. It has a point but for crying out loud, if the Self isn't a part then why are you able to act from it as though it were a part? It bugs me. Not to mention the fact that the whole idea of a single Self that has all your good qualities in it and nothing bad about it Ever is... something about that feels Yikes. Personally I don't think the Self is an entity. I think it's a state. Like being centered and peaceful. Maybe the healthy parts working together with a certain mindset? IDK. It could be an entity but I need to think on it. Maybe it's the same thing we blend with to control the body, like the autopilot or consciousness? That makes more sense than the state idea, that it's consciousness devoid of ego and identity. A central observer. Sort of an anti-self that's paradoxically called the Self? IDK. It's been bothering me that I can't conceptualize it properly because I disagree with how it's usually presented. Maybe they just word it wrong and I'm missing the point/circling back to it with the whole consciousness thing. I mean, I see us as the identity layered on top of our one shared consciousness, sort of the self on top of the awareness. That's because if none of us are controlling the body, it's still conscious and has some ability to react to things, but it totally lacks an identity or anything else associated with personhood aside from that sense of "i." It's nobody and lacks identity, but it's aware. I think maybe that's what's meant by the Self in IFS? That's my best guess, anyway. It's complicated. But hey, acting as though it's Something without having to know what and just having parts step back until we feel Appropriately Curious and Compassionate and Connected and all the other Cs lets us actually do the work and improve ourselves, so it works!
Oh- for anyone that wants to read up on IFS and maybe do some self- therapy with it, we can recommend Self Therapy by Jay Earley. It's a really good intro to the process of IFS without being overly complicated or dense to read. And yes, this therapy works for folks that don't share a head too ;) Everyone has parts, even people that are the only person in their head. It's how minds develop naturally. The difference between a singular person and someone like us is likely how those parts are organized and whether they share an identity as the same person. Sometimes parts can develop their own individual identity. Other times, a group of parts will split off as their own identity and function as their own person too. Or they were never the same identity to begin with and developed alongside each other as different individuals. Lots of ways this can happen, I think, and that's not even getting into spiritual experiences and explanations, or other theories. Lots of ways to frame it!
Anyway, IFS is pretty good for doing your own therapy if you need to, and it can be pretty powerful for some. It's always better to do work with an actual therapist if you can, but that's not possible for everyone (us included) and sometimes you have to go your own way and DIY your own therapy. Finding ways to do that is the hard part. It gets easier the longer you do it though, and the more research you do on theraputic practices and paths. We have a hodgepodge of a bunch of modalities that's helped us a lot when tackling our own issues and trying to heal from things, especially trauma. Sucks that we have to go it solo, but it is what it is. Mental healthcare around here is crap.
Sad thing ahead- self-harm mention, implied sui. Don't worry, it's not about us! It's about a friend of ours. We're doing pretty okay right now :)
Our friend had a rough night last night. Broke his self-harm-free streak of 3 months :( We went over and were there until almost 1 am when his partner came home. He was doing better when we left than when we got there but still, it was sad to see him hurting. I don't want him to think "oh no I made them sad" if he somehow sees this. That's not it. It's that we want to see him happy and we've been there, so we know how much it sucks and yeah. I hope things get better for him. We're doing what we can to keep him going and help him find help, but the mental health care around here is sparse and the pandemic's made it impossible to find an open therapist. He's said he almost wants to stop trying because it feels like no one wants to help him- not true, we do and I'm sure the therapists do, but they just don't have the time in their days. Here's to hoping someone opens up instead of us getting a phone call from his mom one of these days that something happened. :(