09 february 2022
Spent last night figuring out some qmk for a custom keyboard configuration- it's a 40% keyboard, so kind of important to have it all the way I wanted it. Took a while because the file I needed to work with was in C and I don't know any C, but I worked it out eventually. Most of the effort was setting up LED color changes with layer changes so I would always know what layer I'm on, which finally works and helps a lot. I'm just glad I figured it out because my laptop keyboard is slowly getting more and more uncooperative. The x key straight-up refuses to work, the s key is inconsistent now as well, and I'm just waiting for more to give out at this point. Will probably look into changing out that part of the hardware if possible. Fingers crossed I can do that. In the meantime, I can finally use the x key and reply to emails! Yay!
Not too much to share outside of that. Life is happening and it's as ok as it'll be for a while. Been having to help my mom with her job because somehow I, who know almost nothing about accounting, can figure things out that she's struggling with, like what accounts the money is supposed to flow through. It's a weird position to be in and I'd really rather not, but she gets very unpleasant to be around when she's unhappy and she might lose her job if she can't work this out. The last time she lost her job was one of the worst periods of my life and I'd really rather not repeat that. At least she paid me for it one time. That's more than I was expecting.
Got into a game called Elona. Who likes weird RPGs? Like, "you can play as a snail and the janitors will try to kill you" weird. Alien parasite weird. Being haunted by dreams about pumpkins weird. It's great. And turn-based!
Some identity troubles again last night. I fragment more under stress and it's frustrating because being pushed over my coping limit is all it takes for me to lose cohesion. I keep having to remind myself both that healing is a process with setbacks along the way, and that I developed differently enough that I'll probably never fit fully into typical standards of cohesive identity. I think I'll always be at least a little fragmented. It's more about building cooperation and working together better, which for me entails a shared self. I just feel a little brain tangled today I guess.