31 march 2022
Been very happy with the switch to Debian. It's nicer than anticipated not updating all the time. Feels like I get more done and am more comfortable. Thinking I'm going to try to make a custom ISO as a project so I can have a ready-to-go install ISO for myself with all the programs I like. Seems like a fun project and a good way to learn more about the whole process.
I'm doing okay- been a little busy and haven't had much time to write things out here. Helping friends move still, and working on personal projects in my week off. Making a little book of information on my plants so I have all their needs in one place. It's coming along well! Need to figure out a nice binding that lets me easily add pages without being too clunky or unpleasant.
My favorite plant right now is the Plumosa Fern, which isn't actually a fern. It's in the lilly family. Really small, soft leaves that look delicate but are surprisingly hardy. It's been a very forgiving plant for me and is absolutely beautiful. Also fond of a little Hinoki Cypress ("Just Dandy" variety) that I'm keeping as a bonsai, albeit a crappy one until I can start shaping it. I'm letting it adjust properly to its pot and position first while I research how not to kill this one. My last attempt at bonsai was not appreciated by the tree and I think I went too fast.
Otherwise, been taking time to work on mental health while I'm doing well. Making good progress there, figuring out better ways to cope that aren't dissociative. It's a challenge because it would be so easy to go back to dissociating everything but it's not what I want and I'm happier focusing on an integrative approach. It's just a challenge to relearn things.
Catch-up article: https://owlsyspeeps.dreamwidth.org/45888.html TL;DR: I no longer consider myself to be plural at this point because I've been working on fusion. Wow, I need to update my tilde site, huh?
It's funny that fusion has given me a totally different perspective on plurality. I see it differently than I did before, at least in my own case. I can understand why academia sees it as one person that's subdivided and dissociated now because that's how it looks after fusing. Didn't feel the way at the time though, so it's an odd incongruency to process. Either way, I feel more complete within myself now, like I'm filling my own holes in a way I couldn't before. It's still an ongoing process but it's been good for me.
Working on another article related to that since there are nearly no resources on fusion for systems, and if I have an experience that gives me the ability to fill a resource gap, I want to do what I can. Doubly so when the topic is full of misinformation and misunderstandings of what's actually going on. The plural community gets a LOT wrong; for crying out loud, guys, it's not murder or death. It's the opposite. It's making everything in your mind present and accepted, all at once. Nothing goes away or dies. It's all still there, even the parts you don't like. That's what makes it so powerful. All of you is there at the same time instead of only one part at a time. All of your complexity coexists within you. Everything is there, and no part of your identity dies.
The one resource I've found on fusion from someone else who's experienced it: https://www.sidran.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Understanding-Integration.pdf
My last college quarter before I get my associate's degree starts next week. Wish me luck! It's on to the cybersec bachelor's after that.