26 february 2022
I had a dream about exploring a dark hill overturned in a storm. I found loads of plastic crates in the dirt, and some unknown material. I dreamt about insulting a bully-type character and subsequently getting beat up by one of his friends. I dreamt about a large scale fight or war in a deserted house, and an attic where the door was locked from the outside, for some reason. Of course we had to open it, and out jumped a cat, but more importantly, on the floor was a small larva, and somehow I knew this was the mind controlling creature from before (in the dream, I had encountered it previously). We had let it out. I killed the larva, but at the same time I knew that it would be reborn, and it was, quickly, as a bee mimicing fly that flew right to me, and immediately I felt it asserting its infleunce over me.
I rarely have chaotic, strange dreams like these.
Unsettling and exciting.
I didn't go to the rave. I feel both relieved and disappointed. I wanted to want to go. I wanted to do some MDMA and dance until five in the morning, but I couldn't shakle the tiredness and a strange, tense headache in my upper neck. I think it was good I didn't go, although I feel like I'm drifting further and further away from my friends (or at least the raving section of my friends, that I used to be so close with). Now I'm at home, partner out at a party, and I'm divided. Do I want to seattle into a calm, "boring" lifestyle? My instinctive answer is a loud "No!" But I'm glad to be here, near my bed, in control.