31 december 2020
hey, it's the last day of the year.
and yet nothing changes. i think we should stop celebrating the new year and just recognise it as a change in calendar. we don't hold elections or increase the minimum wage or publish any poems or open any exhibitions. and yet we expect the climate to change
so i'm reflecting on the past year today. it's easier to focus on the last 365 days because i have a vivid memory of the new year and things from 2020 are marked in my memory as stuff from 2020. lockdown i feel like was the big event of 2020, probably as for many other peeps around here.
i got really depressed and i had a relationship that ended very poorly with me just breaking down entirely. sad times for sure. and then i got into the hospital and stuff. my year's been a pretty big overturning of everything i thought i had. the summer was marked by me feeling alone and giving up on friendships.
the autumn was better. i connected with my best friend and that's one thing that's going well for me, evenn though i'm super anxious~all the time.
the winter... the winter's just started. the saturnalia have come and gone, and i feel like i haven't been very aware of myself and my eclipse lately. though maybe that's better. i don't know.
also, i've decided i'm not going to make new year's resolutions. i feel like i'm left at a fork in my fate much more often by random, non-orbital-related events than by a change in the year. but hey, maybe i should be more optimistic. at least january 1st comes with a dawn, so it's as good a time as ever to wake up better.