23 january 2021
stillness
tonight i wanted to write about the word "still", in both its senses. both immobility and actualisation. i'm still alive, my soulbeats are still.
but instead i watched euphoria and it just hit too close to home, dude. i'm seriously aching. keeping myself from crying right now but it's difficult, it really is. i feel so lost, and lots of stuff that jules went through that were told i related to. that shit about her mother; loving someone that's far away... loving someone who doesn't love you back. not getting how people could love you as much as you love them.
still waters run deep
oulipian thoughts—it's been a long time since i've oulip'd last
i want to go away not to any spot in particular just away i want to b "away". as if living was a 90's chatroom go away! i say to my own mind slowly going mad, in this loop of swaying away
and still
falling down... polynymous "still": blood still runs through my body but my soul's rhythm is still still living living still
like a rising tide
my waters break new ground
algae cresting the sundried sand
salt foaming up
getting dragged away
waves coming from down deep
slowly plateauing just
before the marram grass
going still as it sways
entropy is making me lose all my energy
getting absorbed through osmosis
like dehydrated from soaking in the sea
everything's going flat
flatlining