~tromboneboi9@TTBP



1 december 2025

Today is December 1, 2025, and the time is 4:00 pm sharp.

Good news, both of the teachers I emailed got their recommendation letters in, and one of them even shared their two-page sales pitch with me. And on top of that, I got an email maybe three hours ago saying that I was admitted into the Honors College, which I believe is a prerequisite for the Stamps scholarship that I just stressed out over. I think it matters if I get into Honors College before the deadline, but I could be misremembering; either way, I'm pretty sure this is more than important than just getting into the bigboy college.

I ordered a couple books I've been dying to read, which was kind of a dumb idea since Christmas is just around the corner. Speaking of, I found this big book of Christmas piano solos that my grandmother owned but never used, and while I can't play the solos exactly according to the sheet music, the scores make for a good chord and melody reference, which is usually enough for me to work out the tune from there.

Would you believe it, I'm actually able to think about Christmas now? Well I guess that won't be for too long. In typing this, I'm actively procrastinating on the competition piece I need to write.

Either way, I think things are generally better and less stressful than a couple days ago now that the big scholarship applications are said and done.

Now I'm gonna go hang up some lights in my room before it gets too dark.

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29 november 2025

Hello, right now it's 1:48 in the morning on November 29, 2025.

Applying for college scholarships is a huge mess and there's a good chance I'm not getting any of them, but I still feel like some of the effort was worth it. For the record I had to write two 500-word essays, a resume, and I still need recommendation letters from two teachers I emailed about two hours ago. The deadline is December 1.

It really feels like big mess of procrastination--play stupid games, win stupid prizes--but something in me's confident that something will come out, like despite the fact that there's no guarantee I'll get the recommendation and I'm for sure pissing off some admissions officer by submitting it days before the deadline, I still feel like I'll get something big out of it. And I mean, not to self-aggrandize, but had I actually kept track of deadlines and did everything at a reasonable, I think I'd be a worthy candidate for their big boy scholarships, the resume and the ACT score speak for themselves. I'm just a moron who's still too brainrotten to keep hold of a damn deadline.

It's alright. It's alright. I had a cream soda earlier after I finished sending those emails because I realized I needed to calm the fuck down. Even if those don't work out, there's still the 36 ACT full ride scholarship and the composition scholarship, and even if I don't get a 36 on the test day (because you bet your ass I haven't studied during break) I have enough time to apply and test again later in the year.

On the bright (?) side, by some miracle I now have the composition professor on Discord of all things. He's part of an ensemble and I followed the ensemble's Bandcamp, and I got an email from said Bandcamp saying "Hey ho we're doing a discord listening party so come in!!!" So of course I was curious, and it looks like the place will be valuable to me in the future. One of the members told me "Yeah we got him on here once... we'll have to see if he visits again" which is no surprise to me lol

Thinking about publishing the two essays I wrote, because despite how quickly I had to basically pump them out, they actually turned out pretty good, the second one I'm really liking. I could just slap the PDF on here but that's boooooooring so I'll probably copy-paste it into an HTML doc so I can give it fun formatting like all my other pages on tildetown :D (And the ability to read it in dark mode)

I feel kinda satisfied and chill and yet my conscious mind is like "why the hell would you feel that way?" Like in doing all of this I've made some terrible mistake. Like obviously I shouldn't've waited this long and I really need to figure out how not to distract myself so damn much but I mean come onnnnn, it'll be alright in the end, no? I have other options and I'm basically a nephew to the guys at the composition program. Everything will be FINE. It's OKAY.

Maybe I'm too optimistic. Maybe I'm too pessimistic. Maybe I'm somehow manifesting the future and I must stay optimistic. Maybe I'm a hope-filled moron.

You can never tell for sure if you're gaslighting yourself.

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22 november 2025

So right now it's 11:02 AM on November 22, 2025. School was out the whole preceeding week for deer season, and it'll be out again for the whole of next week for Thanksgiving Break.

My plan was to:

And time is going much faster than I thought. I think I'm halfway through with the essay, although I'm not as far with the other two.

The piece of music is going to be weird because I'm writing it for choir, and I've basically never written for voice before; it's supposed to be inspired by Renaissance experimental madrigalists like Nicola Vicentino and especially Carlo Gesualdo, but also by Giacinto Scelsi's "Tre Canti Sacri" which is a harder combination to deal with than I expected.

I'm not the most confident in the world about the ACT. You should know that where I'm at, I'm not trying to go for discounted college, I'm trying to go for free college, and my college gives guaranteed full rides to people who get a 36 (the highest possible score). My last score was a 34 so 36 is not entirely out of reach (which is why I'm testing again) but perfect is still a pretty high bar: That's probably teo or three mistakes MAXIMUM across the whole test.

Half of the reason I'm trying to scramble for free college is that (a) I'm of the caliber where such a thing is possible, (b) my older brother never bothered and is now borderline forced to drop out, and (c) need-based scholarships are a no-go since "your parents are too rich!!!!"

God, everything is coming faster than I expect. All while I'd just started distracting myself with Team Fortress 2 once again. Yummy. I suppose this isn't impossible.

Expect next post to be more interesting, although I can't guarantee anything.

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3 november 2025

Go figure, it's been a while. Right now it's 6:10 PM on November 2, 2025, today DST just stopped.

Should I say everything? I suppose now that it's been a while my brain has boiled it down somewhat, so it might not take as long.

I started a blog post maybe about a month ago but never ended up finishing it, and it was far longer than this.

Senior year of high school started some months ago. It's going alright, although college application is kind of throwing a wrench in it all. The drama teacher really wants me to compete in Speech & Drama but the club meetings are disappointingly chaotic. I wouldn't mind actually competing, though.

The big thing is that I got this haircut a little more than one month ago. Usually I was too indecisive so I just got whatever I always got, but this was a different place, and even then I was like "Screw it, I'm not twelve anymore and I like my hair long" so I asked for something along the lines of "A lil' off the back and a general cleanup."

The hairdresser was evidently ad libbing it, I tried to guide her but I couldn't quite comprehend her and my mom just has to chime in "Yeah he doesn't know what he wants"... I guess she's kinda right.

Anyhow after a while of random crap the hairdresser leads me to the back room where they do shampooing, and after she gets a little too familiar with my scalp she leads me back and dries me off.

I look the mirror. Wait that's me in the mirror? Damn I actually look kinda good!

It was so stupid and improvised but I think the haircut affected me even beyond that. Along with this new visual identity, I felt emotionally different.

At the time my penpal (did I talk about him already? I think I did) had written me a letter that gave me a nice shot of hope and I felt like this had something to do with it.

On the trip home we stopped at some thrift stores and flea markets (as we tend to do) and I picked up a week's worth of tie-dye shirts and hippie shit. I just had to, I dunno. At the very least, I know the haircut flipped a switch in me that finally motivated me to put effort into my looks and presentation (since before I took horrible care of my hair), but a part of me believes that I had begun taking self-expression seriously.

I had begun to realize that the main reason I went through what I really shouldn't have went through is that I never spoke up and complained when I rightfully should have. With that on top of AI and the ever-increasing political polarization and misinformation surrounding me, I realized that my biggest core value was authenticity and truthfulness. I feel like the haircut marked a transition where I was finally coming to terms with those values and living them.

If that is the case, then I'm sure I still have much progress left to make. I have college to look forward to, and I'll have all the agency in the world to be myself for goddamn once.

Either way, something's changing.

I even started posting on Facebook, the platform I still qutie abhor, because since my older family members use it (including my parents), I felt that it would be the best first outlet to talk about some of my grievances. A lot of people I personally know express some relatively off-beat beliefs on that platform, so it would only be good if I try to have a reasonable conversation. At the very least, I hope it tells them "Hey, a kid you know is having problems. Maybe try caring about the people closest to you rather than Israel for two seconds."

I'm okay. I was in far worse mental condition some four years ago and the fact that I'm starting to say something really indicates that I have more peace of mind.

I hope this all goes where I want it to. God knows I'm already doing everything in my life by ear.

Thanks everyone.

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7 august 2025

So the time is now 12:33 AM, August 7, 2025. Having me a dish of ice cream as I type this. I think it's some gooey butter cake flavor, a good second place behind oatmeal cream pie. Yes we have ice cream constantly. Glad to be at an age where I can get away with that.

Anyhow, not a whole lot happened today since we're off work on Wendesdays, and my dad had us postpone tomorrow's workday to Saturday, so we're probably gonna go to the boweling alley tomorrow since my younger brother--like me--just wants something to happen.

Also, I have a penpal, and his letter--or really, small package--arrived today. He--a proud west coast hippie in every way--sent me a copy of Aldous Huxley's "The Doors of Perception", in essence an autobiography of some of his psychedelic experiences.

He had sent me a postcard much earlier trying to tell me "hey, haven't forgotten about you, I'm just stretched thin" and I thought that maybe, since he's 20 or 21, that he's involved in something with his college over the summer. Not the case. He had gone on somewhere around the ballpark of five camping trips including a backpacking trek as well as a grand west coast road trip with his goofy posse.

Evidently he really wants me to join said posse, go to university in California, let him show me around, do some goofy shit, and while I already have set-in-stone plans for the in-state university I'm going to, I'm not ruling out that I could go in the summer after freshman year of college or something. That being said, I'd be...ya know...a poor college student and a flight to Santa Cruz wouldn't exactly be high on the list of priorities but I suppose it isn't impossible.

It's funny--I had always thought he was just some chill guy in university who went to parties and had drugs every so often, but this dude's full hippie. Obviously nothing against him, it just wasn't what I expected.

I could see myself consuming alcohol in my future (family tradition to enjoy a good drink) but I don't see psychedelics. It just seems life-shifting in a way that doesn't seem beneficial to me.

And again, nothing against the guy, I'd kill to meet the bastard! He even sent me a rough first chapter of some planned narrative memoir or autobiography of that big road trip. But you can't blame me for thinking it's a bit much.

Now he makes a good point. I wrote him earlier about how I really need to get out of this place in nothingtown and go somewhere where I have power and decision of my own. Me wrote me saying that I should do it the first chance I get. "Here's to a fucking awesome future" he writes.

I needed that.

--

Heya! Now it's 12:49 PM, same date and all.

I now realize that the aforementioned west coast hippie is probably rading this right now!!

Hi Andre!!!! Please take no offense!! Lol

Anyway we haven't gone to the bowling alley yet, they open at four so I might as well bum around while I still can.

That's all.

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5 august 2025

Alright, it is now 9:56 PM on August 4, 2025. Currently my computer is trying to render a music score video for a recently (cough 2 months ago cough) performed piece that I'm gonna put on my YouTube.

I'm actually quite proud of that piece--definitely my most mature work thus far. It's unfortunately called "PITCHPLAY" for lack of any better ideas, which can be twisted to make one too many sex jokes. I'm already here.

I need to work on a new piece. I've kinda deviated away from my interest for music for a little bit too long and I'm sure I'll have to rein it back in for the coming schol year, especially if I'm getting any composition scholarships.

Hey fun fact! Did you know I was on the job driving the UTV today, acted like a fool, and drove it into the lake??!? I fell out into the water and we were pretty damn close to getting injured!!!! FUN!!!!

Thankfully the only thing that seems to be the problem is that the air filter got all gummed up with water. It's just sitting in the garage right now in front of a fan in hopes that does anything.

I told my dad, thankfully not pissed, to "take it out of my paycheck", but at most we lost a couple pairs of gloves and a paper towel roll so it's all good.

Boy, people knock on tradies and rednecks but I can see that they'd be the only bastards surviving whatever theoretical AI takeover happens, and just from my own bits of experience it's not like that kinda life isn't completely unfulfilling, just not for me is all.

God bless the rednecks for there may come a day when we need them more than ever.

Looks like the video's done rendering.

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4 august 2025

Alright, now it's 10:13 PM, August 3. It just says August 4 because it's on UTC and I have no idea how to fix that. I figured I would stop double-spacing since it looks obnoxious on desktop but it looks just fine on mobile. I'll probably just change the CSS.

Turns out the IRC has a Toki Pona channel! What a discovery! Talking to other jan pi toki pona was sorely needed. There's also channels for Esperanto, Japanese, French, and German but there doesn't seem to be one for Mandarin Chinese yet. Mandarin is my strongest natural language (besides English ofc) so I'll have to figure that out.

Looks like all you need to do is type /join #chinese and you're off to the races until you type /part #chinese at which point the channel deletes itself (since you're the only one in the server I suppose).

On an unrelated note, went to the one Mexican restaurant in nothingtown that we've been to like 20 vigintillion times. Ordered something different, it was alright.

What is it, sixteen days before school? Christ, I don't even have my license yet.

Funny enough, last year, they had a whole district-wide survey asking "Hey, should we have school out on Mondays?" The thought was that it would only stretch the daily schedule out by 15 minutes in either direction and it would (supposedly) attract new sorely-needed teachers. Both of my parents are convinced that the problem is far bigger than that.

Tough times for those who actually care about the kids in nothingtown. I won them $1000 at a competition and while most were impressed, there was only one teacher who seemed convinced the money might be at all significant to the district. To be fair, she led the main money-making extracurricular.

Shit, what's my schedule for this year? I think it's physics, calculus, accounting, middle school tutoring, drama, some English class, and I forget what else. I could search through my stack of papers from last year but it would take so long that my shoddy connection would reset and I'd have to write this all over again. No guarantee I have it anyway.

The only thing I know for sure is that I'm not taking any sort of music class, which is a massive shame because I could really use some preparation for university audition. I just can't bear another year at marching band.

Just remembered I have the planning thing on Google Sheets. That "what else" is desktop publishing, basically yearbook class. The yearbook this year was fine, but the formatting and writing could use many improvements and I have a good relationship with the teacher there from creative writing club.

Sounds good. Now I just need to get my damn license. They let students paint their own parking spots so it would be nice to have some sense of permanent impression on the place.

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3 august 2025

Didn't know this thing had a blogging engine. Good to have something to use tilde town for besides updating my website and the infrequent chat or two.

It's 3:09 in the morning, Sunday, August 3, 2025. Don't really have a reason to sleep.

Senior year of high school begins in two-ish weeks. Looking forward to it since school is all that happens here in nothingtown except for the occasional hiphop concert, and even then the guy who does those graduated and has bigger plans

Perhaps I'll have to take his place. Don't know what I'd play that they'd actually enjoy though. The hiphop enjoyers are a relative minority of the people here (because why would you ever listen to anything besides country??) and even then I don't typicallly do hiphop. I do experimental avant-garde chamber music.

I'll totally have a job in the future! Trust me bro!!

Working on a semi-formal criticism of the constructed language aUI. Long story short, the creator (and a bunch of other professors??) act like it's the most objective thing in the world when there are so many places where it obviously isn't.

Writing this on nano since I'm not used to command line shit at all!!! And this is just what tilde.town gave me by default. Plus all the commands are right there, thank God.

Ok bye.

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