08 june 2019
I scolded one of my friends while we were out tonight because he replied quite insensitively to things that weren't quite... appropriate for that kind of response, and now I feel bad about it.
An example was: Me: Yeah, that whole situation back then made me feel like an asshole. I've changed a lot in the last two years, haven't I? Him: I don't care if you're an asshole, we're still friends. Me: Wait, you're joking, right? Him: About what? Many other examples included saying "okay, let's go" while I was telling him about some personal issues (mid-sentence) and playing a game on his computer while I was showing him something on mine.
He didn't even notice that he was being insensitive whatsoever. I felt bad because, well, who am I to tell him what to do? What if I'm the bad guy for telling him what to do? I know he hurt me with his behaviour, but what if I'm really the asshole and he did nothing wrong?
I feel horrible now.
Also, another friend of mine came from Germany a few days ago. I want to hug her and never let go, because she's one of my best friends even though we don't talk too often and she lives abroad. But, I feel really inadequate when we talk. Like I'm beneath her somehow. It's not the typical crush thing, but instead a literal feeling of inadequacy ("who am I to talk to her or be around her? am I annoying?") I hope it goes away and she knows how I feel. I can't even get myself to ask her to go out sometime.