26 november 2020
Today is a good day, I can feel it. I have this feeling that it might turn to shit, but you know what? Until it does, I'll try to make the best of it. Given all of the circumstances, including academic work that I finished early and now just have to keep an eye on until the deadline, I feel like I deserve a break. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. One thing's for sure: I won't spend too much resources on caring about which it is.
Life implies death, but until I die, I'll be here. I feel myself not as a stranger in the world, not as someone here temporarily (although I am), someone who arrived here by accident, but I feel that my existence is fundamental. What I am, really, is the fabric and structure of my own existence. Therefore, until I do die, I should make myself comfortable in it. With that said, these two years of high school are temporary, and they will not absolutely and completely determine my life ahead. I'll be laughing about the setbacks I experience now, in as little as 5 years in the future. So, I'll stick to the following: the only thing I take seriously is academics, the only commitments I make are to myself and possibly academic deadlines (though that's still committing to myself that I'll do them,) and the only one who will get to fully experience me emotionally... is me. Somehow, I feel like this would be healthier for me in the long run. I've thought about how it may hurt others if I do this, but the fact is, I should prioritize myself over others; this doesn't mean I'll be completely out of it, I will help everyone I can, but not at my significant expense, and not without proper recompense. Cool rhyme, there.
It's about time I wrote something positive. I'm glad I started doing it. I hope this gives you some food for thought, too.