25 december 2024
Hello! It's been a big long while. I want to write as many updates as I can right now in small summaries, in order to capture them to later revisit.
I'm not dating the person I was in 2021. They stopped being nearly as supportive when we became long-distance and we finally broke up in 2023.
I'm dating the person who I least expected to date, the one that was always there for me when my ex wasn't, and who was paradoxically the biggest supporter of our relationship.
I'm in my senior year of college. I am majoring in Computer Science with a minor in Electrical Engineering. The years have flown by.
I am in a good-enough position in my life, although I feel that as the years have gone by, I've become dumber. This is especially apparent to me after having read the feels posts that I used to write. They were so eloquent before, and now I don't feel like the words are flowing nearly as easily, nor that I can be as philosophically and analytically inclined about stuff as I used to be. Perhaps this is a good thing, though, and perhaps it is the reason I am more likeable now than I was 4 years ago. But perhaps I just killed some part of me for the benefit of someone I shouldn't have cared about. I'm still young so it remains to be seen.
I am, however, a better person in just as many ways as I have stagnated. I have a stable, less long-distance relationship. Sometimes I yearn for more physical contact, even when we are together, but I have learned to be more independent as a result of the distance. I have also learned to mitigate the symptoms of my BPD, including but not limited to the impulsiveness that was once so pervasive in my personality. I think I have settled into a working formula for my life, and I am going to continue as it is for a good long while. Until change is necessary again, of course.
It's good to be back. It's great to be back. It's a miracle how this community always catches me even after so many years; this time, I'm glad it's catching me when I'm not down. "Welcome home, tunas," I heard the SSH connection say as, for a brief moment, I fell back into the body of an 18 year-old that I once was. I was him, and he was me. And for the record, I'd still date myself. Nothing's changed on that front, except now the relationship might be more stable if I did. I like my girlfriend a biiiiit better than I do a hypothetical clone of me, though.