30 august 2025
I have a lot to talk about today, about my personal progresses and what I've been up to. But I will lead with one thing:
I still think about when my ex will come back from work and check if they've responded to my stuff in the Discord server, and I don't like that. I'll work harder on changing it. It doesn't hurt, but I don't like it that I'm waiting on a dopamine hit. That's it on that front.
Today was a sleepy day, I didn't get to find someone to make plans with to go out tonight. That's ok, maybe next weekend. On the other side, I have at least two hangouts scheduled this weekend, and plus some family time spent in birthdays for my little baby cousins :) so, that'll definitely be a good exercise for my social battery and I oughta save myself for it, now that I think about it. I did work on two musical covers and did some pre-work on the radio firmware stuff that I wanted to accomplish (once I got myself out of a loop swiping on dating apps or whatever... baaaaaaad!)
---- August 30th, 2025 ----
Fuck today. Fuck it in the ass so hard.
I met the world's most boring person off one of those dating/friend finding apps. We met in a mall, and I paid $25 for the Uber to get there bc she wouldn't pick me up. I later find out she lives 40 minutes away and not 8-10 mins (Fraser instead of Novi) the mall I picked to be near her wasn't anywhere near her. I felt bad about it, but she was genuinely entirely draining to be around. Then magically she said "I don't let anyone in my car" when I suggested we go to the arcade instead. Leaving me stranded in the mall.
I fucking hate this shit, and I hate how I can't make any friends in the area I feel like it's MY fault and I can't fucking let go of the terrible feelings. I had no appetite all of today, I was looking forward to this and it fucked me in the ass. I also had terrible urges to complain about it to my ex, but I really need to not do that anymore. As conflicting as it feels, I think I will be much better off if I keep my distance for a while longer. If they disappear, I needn't be scared; they made room for another cute enby who will love me. But I think they respect me more than that.