10 september 2025
42 minutes past UTC midnight, but this is still stuff from September 9th.
My ex is pissing me off again. I thought we're fine, but apparently not. She's acting super weird and avoiding me when we already barely talk and I haven't done anything to her, not to mention that she thinks I'm stupid and don't know she's avoiding me, and don't know a bunch of details that I do know. And it would piss me off, but I'm quite resolved to stop letting pointless people and pointless ideas get to me.
The short timeline of events is:
- I see she's in voice chat
- by the time I join, our mutual friend joins too
- They're gonna play Peak, I ask if I can join, she says "sure"
- Suddenly said friend says he has to drive to his friend who broke her arm
- She says "oh nooo, well anyway sorry Andrej, I gotta hop off. The plan was to play with Christian."
- I say I understand and hop off to protect my peace. At this point I thought that she was just avoiding me. All fair, not my business.
- Minutes later, her status says that she's playing Peak. As I write this, she still is.
This is absolutely fucking unprecedented and I think god himself couldn't throw me a curveball like this if he existed. Like, RIGHT after I say "I am cutting people out of my life who have no respect for my time," this fucking shit happens. For the record, this is the third time something similar has happened, and I haven't done anything to warrant it, nor received any feedback about my own negative actions that I may be unaware of. I have barely interacted with her at all, for crying out loud.
I can't rip the bandaid off and tell her that I am sorely disappointed, because she'll gaslight me, make me out to be someone bad, kick me from the server and shit-talk me to all of our mutual friends, decimating my friend count. However, on the other hand, I really have to respect myself, protect my own peace, and if these friends were real friends, they'd know who to side with in the first place. Perhaps this is a lesson in the making; however, right now I do not have the time and the energy to do what needs to be done. I did tell some of our mutual friends about it, including the friend who had a phone call about another friend breaking their arm (I still think he wasn't lying, that's why I told him, but if he was lying, I hope it made him feel bad too and think about his actions.)
For now, I'm gonna focus on what matters to me. And two-timing, double-crossing dishonest COWARDLY people are not on my menu. If she doesn't want to admit that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, because she knows that she has no reason to treat me like this, then I'm not going to spend the time and energy beyond this to ask for an explanation, or try to rectify the situation. This was strike three. The garbage takes itself out, and this time I'm not gonna fucking wheel it back in.
---- September 10th, 2025 ---- I did pretty well at driving school today, learning how to do parallel parking and general maneuverability practice which I hadn't done in a loooong time. I'm pretty proud of myself for that :)
Yesterday I played Walkabout Minigolf with pilosophos and nebula. Today I remembered I was supposed to add nebula on Telegram, and we're talking about his travels. He is doing a great job at inspiring me to use the money I've saved up (and save up more money) to go travel again. First nearby, but then all around the US. Ideally I should have used all this fucking time between jobs to do that, but I still think it can be done while maintaining my work-life balance. I'm gonna set some achievable goals with regards to that.
I talked to one of my friends from back home on Discord today, and it was great to catch up. We watched a handball match together where our hometown's handball team went up against Zagreb, Croatia in the European Handball cup. He works at a software company back home that sounds very appealing. I hope I find one like that in the US.
I would like to get back to the radio firmware development, but I feel stuck and I feel like there's so much that's dragging my attention away and burning me out, and bumming me out on top of that, even. I'll work on not opening and closing the same three apps over and over, and instead finding more value in harder work.