15 september 2025
I did it. I looked in the Discord server I share with my ex, and immediately felt as if I committed an act of self-harm. Then, with much convincing from my friends, I decided to just leave the server. I don't know why I didn't do that eleven times already, especially after the last, most egregious act of hostility and exclusion from my ex. I should respect myself more.
2025-09-14 22:02:50 <tunas> !talklike
2025-09-14 22:02:51 <pinhook> Do I want to talk to me?
What a fucking profound question from a bundle of probabilities. I should ask myself if I would do half the shit I do to myself, if I weren't me.
Plus, I should ask myself if who I'm trying to become is really someone I want to be. Or is it faking and trying to attract people, but coming off as fake and repelling them? Etc etc etc
I reach into the drink fridge. Czech pilsner that expired in 2019 smiles back at me. I drink the bottle. I get 3 hours of Puke III. I learn my lesson. To do: go to the liquor store tomorrow.