28 september 2025
I'm feeling terrible again. I know for a fact that I have the cause and effect backwards, that I am not taking care of myself and that's why I'm having bad thoughts and second-guessing my decisions and missing people I shouldn't, as opposed to having bad thoughts AND THAT'S WHY I don't take care of myself. But it doesn't seem to help or convince me. I woke up at 8:30am approximately, and I was tired enough to go back to sleep, but trying to do that just made me ruminate about stupid shit. It's absolutely bizarre how I wake up, I am lucid and motivated for a bit of time, and then I remember that my ex exists and I can feel the mood drop. Very, very odd.
Anyway, today's plan is to try and get more radio firmware work done, some work on Angelic done, and not bother with other people's problems or let anyone agitate me. I will stick to my principles. I WILL be alright. I WILL GET OVER MYSELF.
I have discovered my 1lb bag of carrots in the fridge. I forgot it existed. I now feel better and I am on track to feel SIGNIFICANTLY better. Maybe I am a bunny....
I had a great time at the mall, but it also brought back memories of my ex. I cried in the restroom for 5 minutes. I got a Miku shirt for the Anamanaguchi concert from Hot Topic :) I'm calling a friend and toughening up. I am a baddie, and I am desirable. I should be desirable to myself.