4 october 2025
The concert was absolutely fucking phenomenal!!!!! It was so nice seeing all of the opening bands blind, not knowing what awaits me. There WAS a moshpit, several in fact, and that was the most fun experience I've had in so long. I feel at ease, I feel at peace, I feel... resolution. The usual horrors attempt to creep up on me. Namely, thoughts of my ex doing exactly what I was accused of doing (not acknowledging we were ever in a relationship.) And yet they slide off, they wash away in the shower of love and affection I feel. I am not living this down. This is me, this is who I am, this is the new beginning. I am not beholden to anyone; if they'd like to be part of my experience without detracting from it, they're welcome to do so, but they must respect me.
I made two friends at the concert; if they stick around until tomorrow, I am going to be very happy. Two means four, and four means eight. I love meeting friends of friends :) One of them even gave me a ride home without murdering me, and we had such a fucking blast driving home, cracking jokes. This is what I was made for: to share joy, and to receive joy.
God, it's good to be back! I am going to hold onto this experience as a pick-me-up, no matter what terrible thoughts await me tomorrow.
Hello, it is now the next day in my time zone. I'm up, mildly hungover and also in pain from all the moving around I did. But it's worthwhile. I'm gonna sit down and crunch out some game dev work, then relax. For about twelve seconds, I felt bad for my ex. Can you believe it? I felt bad for someone who made a conscious choice to not respect me. I must not let myself falter in that regard. Mercy and good faith is one thing, but me being the one who reaches out all the time is another. Fuck that noise.