10 october 2025
I think I'm at another peak in my cycle. Eating well helps significantly, and so does purposely avoiding the topic.
I am cursed with not being able to appreciate what I have because my heart is still aching for what I lost, and it aggrandizes the other person when it shouldn't. I will get over it, I will get therapy, and I will more actively pursue endeavours that won't depress me. Even if it means taking some steps away from my mutual friend with my ex.
I am looking forward to good food, a bus trip at night so that it's SUPER COOL to pull out a laptop and hack away, doing electronics with my friends, drinking to a good cause, seeing the radio club people and everyone else I missed so dearly in Cleveland, and hanging out with that friend that's mutual with my ex as she tells me about how her date went with my ex's other friend Christian. I might even choose to skip that last part, as per what I said above. If it hurts me, I needn't do it. If my friend is a good friend, they'll understand because I will explain it nicely and politely. If they don't understand, they might not be as good a friend as I thought, and that's ok too. Let Them.
Christian told me that I must simply stop giving a shit and going with the flow, and he was absolutely astoundingly correct about that. He has gotten away with not giving a shit and being an asshole for years, and yet if he oversteps any boundaries, he always checks if he did and apologizes. Puts that stuff into perspective.
These people aren't evil, they might just be 8 years old in their heart and their only ability to indicate they're hurt is to give others the silent treatment.
Anywho, I've got an hour and a half left of work, then I'll pack, call my new friend and at 10pm I'll go to Cleveland!!!
I hope my friend Ruslan picks me up from the station and doesn't fall asleep again, like last time I was in Cleveland when he fell asleep before he could let me into his dorm and then I left him 11 missed calls, and his suitemates discovered me in the rain when they left for a smoke break. They let me back in. What a funny story!