13 october 2025
It is 9PM, I came back from the bus trip and did some work on Angelic. I texted some friends. I will vow that from 9pm onwards, I am only to use my phone for purposeful contacting of people (e.g. telling my aunt to buy milk, or asking my friend to remind me to send them the photos tomorrow) and not for contacting people with regards to old wounds or drama. Not even to vent, not even to ask for explanation. This should hopefully help my sleep quality tremendously.
As mentioned before, I'll tuck in early. I said I'd work until 9pm, which wasn't much, but I did get some non-zero progress done. Goonite, town!
--- October 13th, 2025 ---
I woke up and shivered because it was cold. Putting my Bluetooth light bulb in the nightstand lamp was a good idea; it helped give my brain some additional light to wake up in the morning. I think that without it, I'd have had a bad case of the Mondays. Unfortunately, despite now having enough light to wake up properly, I was still bound to bed because of the cold ;-;
Work has gotten off to a good start. I'm eating an apple and a croissant. I will be playing VR minigolf tonight.
I am understanding the power of silence when someone makes an unreasonable request. Maybe not silence, but at least taking some time before responding. Because if I sit on it, what was a "no" just to please them, becomes a "yes." It's an important step in self-respect. Not to mention that it is part of kicking the habit of being too available. It's shifting my priorities around so that those who shouldn't matter, or won't die if I don't reply in 5 minutes, do not get a response while I am cooking, working, gaming, or making art.
Work has continued to be nice, minus my boss telling me off for an email I accidentally sent before him and I were done drafting it. I didn't realize I sent it; must've been automatic. However when I told him it was an accident, he said it was alright, as long as I don't directly disobey stuff that he says in customer communication.
After work I'll be playing minigolf with my friends, trying to do some more work on Angelic, and hopefully also going out on a walk for as long as I can.
A larger remark: I'd like to live my life larger. I think I've been subconsciously focused on being less, taking up less space and expecting less. But the only thing that has been preventing me from achieving what I want, is me. No one else is responsible for my joy and happiness, and no one else will be. The less I expect it from others, the more I'll receive - that's just how psychology works. I need to go out there and reach out to people if I want something from them.
I had a revelation: my ex broke up with me because we did not do many things together or at all. This was a direct consequence of her not wanting to, or not being able to do many things. I am super glad I realized this, because now I can remember that I am able to do all these things and then do them, by myself, for myself. (By myself = not with her.) Her loss.