16 november 2025
Tonight is my cousin's "roaring twenties" themed birthday party. I came in with a suit and a fedora, and people liked my appearance :)
I was rather sleepy, what with also attending a surprise meetup that was organized by two of my college friends from Cleveland. I had an energy drink, here's hoping I'll be able to stay awake :p
Ran into the wife-of-a-friend-of-a-relative who I see every family gathering, who gives off cool wine aunt vibes.
The one I used to talk to about all of my relationship stuff, stuff that other people would never get out of me, not even by waterboarding, lol. I let her know that I owe her an apology and a drink since I did break up with my ex! It was funny toasting to "I told you so".
--- November 16th, 2025 --- I am very proud of myself! I witnessed firsthand an improvement in my self-respect and mental wellbeing with regards to mistakes I made in the past repeating themselves. One of my friends disappeared on me last night for a long time when we were supposed to make plans, for 12+ hours. Today, she texted me and said she was at her ex's, and she didn't text me because she felt awkward telling me that, and apologized for disappearing when we were supposed to make plans. I told her that it's okay; we're not dating, so what she does in her spare time is her own business. If she had had sex with her ex, I'd only need to know for STD reasons as her and I are in a sexual relationship, but apart from that, I do not have the right to demand further info. I did tell her that she could definitely tell me she'd just be busy (no need for further detail) so I don't worry about her wellbeing. She apologized and thanked me for being nice and communicative. I forgive her, but we still didn't make plans lol. So instead I went shopping for some groceries and also clothes :3
That being said, you might ask why I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself because I communicated that I felt disrespected by someone's action instead of trying to paper over it with "yeah that's ok, I am a doormat so I don't care, as a matter of fact you go ahead and do everything you'd like and I'll be waiting for you on a coat hanger. I am infinitely available at cost to myself but no cost to others; while I worry about you, don't worry about my own wellbeing." I separated what bothers me personally from what she has the right to do as we're not dating, and communicated as such.
Before, I would let that eat away at me, thinking that I owe everyone everything, but I don't owe myself internal peace. That has ended; I am no longer getting attached to anyone without an expectation of recourse when I mess up, or they mess up. If someone does something behind my back and/or otherwise messes up or hurts my feelings, I'll communicate it, no matter who they are. It's the only way forward. If they leave, they leave. If I have to leave, I'll leave. Simple as that.