2 december 2025
Unfiltered unfettered thought stream time!!! Pretyped in Notepad just because the delay in KiTTY when SSHed into ~town is not hitting the right brain-buttons for my unfettered thought stream. Too much fetter. I am so happy and glad I snagged tickets for Ninajirachi. I am now bonding with the community and trying to make some friends before I go. I hope my friend Matty can make it, but if not, then that's okay too :) we'll both go to separate concerts and have fun and tell each other all about it. I am also quite excited about the other concerts I have soon, including Darude. I hope I don't forget that I have that going on. I hope that this week I am able to occupy myself with productive endeavours and forget all about the nasty stuff that's creeping back up on me. I think a lot of it is because I am once again starving myself to try and move the needle on the scale downwards... for some reason. I literally know the linear (maybe even exponential) effect of hunger on my mood, and yet I do not indulge in this, causing additional stress on top of what I would otherwise experience as part of stuff that bothers me. Eurgh. I also moved my monitor on top of the folder shelf to get it more aligned with eye level, and be less shrimp-mode when looking at it. The problem is that, of course, the monitor is now more distant and I have to strain my eyes more to read text. I'll figure that out too. I hope I'm not ruining my eyes, but I also look cute in glasses, soooo :)
More to come later. This is all I wanted to get off my chest for right now.
Actually! One more thing. I found out through grepping some Discord chatlog dumps that two of my friends who I thought would not fall for my ex's lies about me, have been shit-talking me behind my back to maintain their friendship with her. This took some self-talk in the mirror to process and understand that it is not the end of the world, and that I cannot (and should not) influence anyone to do anything or remain in my life. There are 8 billion people on this planet, and I am worrying about the wrong ones. Including not worrying nearly enough about myself and my own wellbeing. I wish it was easier to cut people off outright, but oh well - at least I don't live my life to spite someone else, unlike someone I know.