10 december 2025
Tonight I'm gonna make an attempt to revisit the weird train that reoccurs in my dreams. The one that goes from Chicago to Detroit, to Vimercati, to Skopje, to Cleveland except Cleveland is significantly more cyberpunk and has an entirely different layout. Not to mention the amazing underground train stations that double as multi-storey shopping malls. I hope that I do not, instead, revisit the falling elevator made of glass to maximize the terror of dropping.
Heck, maybe I'll visit the boarding(?) school building where a tree is one way to climb down from a high floor, and there's staircases that lead to a door that has nothing behind it. Just a drop, if it's on a higher floor. I'd like to write more about these recurring environments from my dreams. They're funky and must be appreciated. Maybe I'll even find something I have been suppressing that way.
It is now 11am. I did not visit any of these locations in my dreams :( instead, I had some other weird dreams that I forgot about by the time morning rolled around. Unfortunate, but what can you do. I will continue to try to visit these.
I will also hold true to my promise that I would document the locations in question. One of them is a train that I have several times ended up boarding from the side, i.e. walking/running alongside it. Sometimes I will board it via an underground train station, by a river in an italian looking town named "Vimercati." The river runs alongside a town square which has a lot of people. It is bizarre that the train runs between geographically disparate locations that wouldn't have a train connecting them. For the most part, it runs underground, so I can never see how it gets from Point A to Point B. I remember that once I tried taking it between Detroit and Cleveland as I had missed the bus. I don't remember why I needed to get there in the first place, it's been so long.
The recurring theme of elevators stopping in the middle of the shaft and then suddenly dramatically dropping down to fuck with me is another thing. Sometimes it's the engineering building elevator, sometimes it's the elevator in the adjacent building right after I've finished jumping from a building onto a Lufthansa 747 that's conveniently flying at 80 feet altitude in a highly populated area, or jumping from rooftop to rooftop to get to one of the rooftops that has a pool.
The boarding school hasn't made as many appearances in my dreams. I do not remember much anymore to describe it. Maybe I can only unlock these places when I'm in a dream-adjacent state of mind, that wouldn't surprise me. That being said, though -- the other day I fell asleep while listening to music, and I was woken up by a stupid dream about being a groupie for some band on tour, and the tour bus driver making turns that absolutely should've rolled the bus with us in it, even jumping off an elevated highway onto another below at some point and braking inches short of a guardrail.
I have recurring dreams lately where I feel self-conscious about not having a vehicle. This includes dreams where I finally get a vehicle, and I end up losing it or totalling it in dramatic ways every time. Most recently, I parked it with hazards in the middle of a road to run somewhere for some reason, then when I came back it was towed. I woke up crying about letting myself do that. I think getting a car with resolve the issues with my mental health in so many ways. This time it's not some empty promise; I will gain access to everything that the winter takes away from me every time I used to be in Detroit at my aunt's, where I used to visit and I now live. I'm sick and fucking tired of this being such a pressing issue. I will try to pressure my cousin to give me the car, at least sell me it as-is, and then I can take care of everything if he's gonna drag his feet. It's really fucked up how much this has affected me. I know it's not my fault, I know I live in a country known for being car-centric and I am only 30% of a human being without one, but that doesn't make it any less really REALLY depressing. Sometimes I contemplate moving back home and forsaking all of the comforts and luxuries I have in the United States just to start anew and make new friends I can walk to see.
On a whim, I went ahead and asked my boss if I could still work while voluntarily hospitalized at a mental health assisted living residence, just in case. I am still waiting for a response. I made it clear that I have no intention on doing so in the near future, and the thought just occurred to me in case stuff gets really bad, and even family cannot house me. I'd rather be prepared for an outcome that won't happen, than end up unprepared and entirely ruin my life over a one-in-a-million outcome which was caused by a decision which seemed innocuous at first.