17 april 2021
Trauma is toxic
Today I helped someone move to a new home
I love helping people.
I would never search for an excuse to get myself out of helping someone.
When my ex and I moved to our house, our two apartments before and when we helped other people move, she always blamed me for some random bullshit.
For example, I encounter her in the house floor while moving stuff downstairs and suddenly she starts asking me for help for something.
I had to drop what I was carrying and help her.
Otherwise she would blame me for not helping her.
Friends told me, she was indeed able to take care of stuff on her own and went into full helpless mode as soon as she encountered me.
If she didn't blame me every time, she would not have inflicted self doubt related trauma in this regard.
So..
When moving stuff today, I had to constantly remember how she would hurt me for taking a short break or doing something my way.
I had to cry too because of that.
Luckily my friends care about me.
It's good to have friends.