21 february 2023

I have not done this in a while


As of right now, a lot of things have changed in my life.
Ignore my previously recorded feels here as they are no longer relevant and only a relic of my past.

07 may 2021

How to ask for onion powder if you can't find any

ask a shop employee.

There are several possible reasons as to why a shop could have onion powder in stock, even though you can't find any in the right place.

  1. The shop could expect delivery right now.
  2. The shop could unload it from a truck at this exact moment.
  3. Someone left some at a cashout.
  4. It got put somewhere else too with reduced price for lower due date.

19 april 2021

Self employment starting asap

One of the projects a hand full of friends and me are already working on is moving from placebo to actual ammunition now.

Online Store, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, Domains, Infrastructure, Monetization through sponsorships, Merch…

There are many things attached to start a professional cooking show about cannabis.

I'm now in the progress of setting up required infrastructure.
(I wonder if there is a archlinux way of reinstalling a server by moving the current system to ram…)
We already bought domains and registered the required channels.
We also have Videos in our pipeline and already produced some for evaluation and testing.

If this sky rockets, it could resolve in financial independence.

Luckily this is not the only project in the pipeline. 🤑

Something else

I have new backgrounds for my phone and new tab pages.
I have never put a real person there before.
I guess this is love.

17 april 2021

Trauma is toxic

Today I helped someone move to a new home

I love helping people.
I would never search for an excuse to get myself out of helping someone.

When my ex and I moved to our house, our two apartments before and when we helped other people move, she always blamed me for some random bullshit.

For example, I encounter her in the house floor while moving stuff downstairs and suddenly she starts asking me for help for something.
I had to drop what I was carrying and help her.
Otherwise she would blame me for not helping her.

Friends told me, she was indeed able to take care of stuff on her own and went into full helpless mode as soon as she encountered me.

If she didn't blame me every time, she would not have inflicted self doubt related trauma in this regard.


When moving stuff today, I had to constantly remember how she would hurt me for taking a short break or doing something my way.
I had to cry too because of that.

Luckily my friends care about me.

It's good to have friends.

16 april 2021


Nothing comes from doing nothing.

Things need to start

My path towards self employment begins

A friend of mine and I are going to build a business together.
I need to setup a freshly ordered server with Keycloak, Mailcow, Netbox and various other tools to get started.
It needs to be fort knox.

Both said friend and me are in bad mental state due to our previous jobs and experiences.
We will have to support another and take care.

Search for an apartment

Searching is a tiresome drag

I need privacy…
I need to feel "home" again.
I need to "let loose" again and do certain things that don't belong here 😋

14 april 2021

Finally a proper blog theme

Well.. I basically ported it from my custom theme for another blog.

Fun new feature.. It now has system preference based light / dark mode. 😄

It's not really responsive yet. (proper display on smartphones)
I'll make sure of that later.

It's also a bit sad, date codes are not customizable.
I would love to use the browsers Intl stack to properly display date and time to readers using a little bit of javascript.

You can test the themes by opening either of them: light, dark

It will use system preferrence in case you don't use either of them.

I'll also create a little persisted theme switcher for it later.

12 april 2021

I got fired, relationship, patent

I got fired on Friday for being emotionally broken and in depression after exiting a 10 year relationship with marriage and house.

This job was doomed.

I received this job on a WiZo concert in cologne, germany.
I knew this was doomed the moment my boss first got choleric towards me.

I'm not going to shit-talk about any of my previous employments.
(Including GoDaddy)

At first I was upset but it suddenly turned into:

YAY! Two months of fully paid vacation before the next job!

Obviously I'm still on a party, Monday at 4:20 AM.


I came up with two patents.
One within the travel / sport sector, that could skyrocket on Kickstarter or even be sold to a company this integrates to.
Another one for cooling a certain device that rarely receives cooling but could noticably benefit from it.

I expect the first to be a big fish.

Love stuff

You may want to skip this.

I'm in a polyamory now with a soulmate who can't travel here yet due to covid..
(Notice my proper use of english even though I'm native german 😋)

I ended my last relationship due to toxic behavior.
I need space to breathe and process during an argument with a partner.

It is insanely easy to hit any of my past trauma.
It's hard to deal with me I guess.

My new partner is currently experiencing the best sex of their life with someone choosen for a F+ experiment.
We soon figured out love can not be controlled or prevented.
Instead of enforcing breakup, I considered changing it to a polyamory upper limit.

This opens up interesting possibilities like meeting with friends in a hotel and randomly handing out keys…

There are concepts accessible I would never think of in a monogamy.


In summary, I can say I could write reviews for Tinder, Lovoo, Bumble, Feeld and a couple worse ones by now…

I also get now why potential partners might include a reference to their Instagram account.

In various dating apps including Tinder your likes only last for 24 hours.
You either have to copy a profiles link and like it again and again or just write them a direct message on Instagram…


Obviously some only want to get simps. Never judge by someones looks!
I found an exception who is many leagues above me.
It's hard to come up with good icebreakers.
It's worse if they cause confusion…

That's a slice of a rough summary for what happened since, during, and before the previous Post.

Does anyone even read this?
Send me a mail in tilde :)

Thanks to TTBP!

This blog software I'm using here

Luckily this blog tool became available to me a couple days ago after registering at least a year ago.
This is too convenient not to use.
Let's see how well this handles Markdown including trailing space.
I wont edit this unless it doesn't know linebreaks caused by two trailing spaces.
(Fun to use on StackOverflow for paragraphs!)
+ rep

Neovim FTW!

30 march 2021

Why do I still work in this company..

You can run software directly on a system, in a virtual machine, in a container or in a chroot.

Containers can be deployed and ran automagically so if a server fails, it can just use another one.

At the start of this project I demanded we should run on amazons container engine and also use their cloud database.

Guess what happened during a customer meeting about the new site..

Server failed!