09 august 2018
I didn't know ~abraxas, but my condolences and heartfelt sympathies go out to those that did. I've lost two loves ones in the last two years. I still cry for the loss of both. This is a time in my life, I think, when death will start to become a more common occurrence. It's causing me to think.
Just last night I was thinking about life and eternity and faith. It's great to have faith- and for those who don't, let me just say that I'm not trying to preach, I'm just thinking about it all. Faith is not knowing, just beliving. It gives me comfort, I suppose, to believe or think that there might be something more than just this life. And yet, realizing that I can't know for sure makes me really want to grab hold of and cling to, to cherish the time that and experiences that I have here and now.
Since I can't know one way or the other, I suppose I could choose to not believe in an afterlife. It might be easier, in any case. But I don't know that I would feel good about it. I think I would be too desperate for the life that is passing me by so quickly, for the mistakes, the pain I cause, everything that is and isn't perfect. I'm only speaking for myself here of course, I don't know what it is or would be like for anyone else.
I just got home a couple days ago from my grandfather's funeral. He was 90, and died of natural causes. To me, that is not as painful as someone dying young, and I've had both experiences. And here on ~town, I came back to the sad news- not sad because I knew ~abraxas, but sad because it is very clear that so many people here did know ~abraxas and will miss them dearly. I know what that feels like, and it's fresh in my mind.
My choice is to believe that ~abraxas and my own loved ones continue on somewhere. I can't prove it, but I choose it anyway. I choose to believe that they're somewhere wonderful.