Hello feels engine. And perhaps feels neighbors... I read them, maybe others do too. Hopefully, everyone is well. As for the feels, I'm feeling glad that I have a little more brainspace for public unix lately. I feel a lot of other things, but I won't write them here.
Even when I don't record them, I have feelings. But you knew that already. I feel happy that pubnix doesn't move too fast. On every system I interact with, my account remains active even if I'm gone for months. No one complains, nor expects me to interact with any particular frequency. At least, no one has said as much.
That's a nice thing in this world of constant engagement.
Hello tilde town! It's been a while, so I thought I'd login and record some feels. I'm feeling just fine, just fine. Life is pretty interesting at times, boring at others, and frustrating as well. But it's exciting too, and full of crazy. So, I love it.
That is all.
Feels = good. Reasonable. Started out the day with a little too much in the way of existential ponderings, but after sitting out in the warm sun for a bit I felt better. Logged in to three TOPS-20 systems for even more grounding. Voila, a recipe for good feels.
Oh yes, also fed the birds and squirrels. I think that helped too.
Oh, I did record a few feels in 2020... I was getting an error, so I deleted my ~/.botany directory. Starting over. That's fine with me :)
I think I saw on gopher that the feels engine might be updated soon... Hooray, feels good! I'm not sure if I shared any feels in 2020... blah, feels bad :( I'm sharing some feels in 2021... hoorah, feels good!
The oatmeal has 3:25 before it's done, so I clearly have time to record my feels. It's 30F outside right now, but it will be 63F or so today. That makes me happy. We're still locked down for COVID-19. That makes me sad.
Lately I've been having globus sensation issues in my throat. It's extremely annoying, but not harmful, I think. There's no way I'm going in to a doctor right now, of course. I don't think I would anyway, I'm too stubborn. Elder berry syrup seems to help. I need to make more today.
It's Saturday, but I don't have big plans. I fixed some things around the house last Saturday. Today, maybe some yard work.
Feeling just fine. Vantablack showed me around the minecraft server the other day, that was fun. The economy is looking odd to me. Odd is an understatement, it's looking horrid. I don't know how long my client will last, but I'm hoping he makes it through this, so I can make it through this too. Otherwise, I'll have to get creative. Not that there's anything wrong with getting creative. Life could be so much worse.
Hey town... it's been a while. At least, it feels like it's been a while. The world has gone nuts, in the meantime.
Anyway, as far as feels go, I'm doing alright. The kids are getting anxiety, a bit, I think. Perhaps I am too, but you know, stoicism and all that.
Been at home all week, not out at all except to go for a drive and come right back. I figure I'll do that at least through all of next week as well. After that, we'll see if I need/want to go to the stores for anything (if anything is left.)
It's been raining too. Spring is here! My wife is on antibiotics that prevent her from going out in the sun, so can't really even look forward to that. Man!
Hello feels engine. Hello ~town. Hello pubnix space. Hello gopher.
Life is Just Fine(tm). I forgot, I need to write a phlog post about "just fine" at some point, as I'm not entirely sure it means the same thing to other people as it does to me. Someone said something just a tiny bit different, and it caused me to question my reality. People do that, it's one of the reasons I like people.
Health status: 95%. There's this rash on the top of my hand that was there last winter, and came back this winter. A seasonal rash. I have no idea what it is, but it doesn't spread on my body or to other people. It's visible though, and that drives me nuts because I'm sensitive to social abnormalities in myself. After last winter, it sort of just went away. I seem to recall some treatment I came up with, but I'm not sure if it was winter leaving or my treatment that worked.
Mental health status: 80%. No complaints here, because I know it could be a whole lot worse. Existential stuff mostly, and primarily related to my responsibilities to provide for my family. Again, no complaints really, just stuff I'm dealing with (often poorly). Chronic issues at this point, if I'm being honest. That might tell me something about how I need to change as far as coping strategies go.
Hobby status: 50%. Too much SDF minecraft (see "coping" above). It's amazing how wasting time saps one of their ability to enjoy the things that they really do enjoy. Hope is on the horizon, in the form of some double-sided prototype board coming soon, a soldering project for one of the z80 builds, and perhaps an arduboy.
Work status: 75%. Things aren't looking good in the company that is my main (well, only remaining) client. The plight of the self-employed is a constant worry about whether or not there will be a need for your business. I suppose that's the plight of everyone that works. My chosen strategy here is to change careers and become a writer.
Writing status: 65%. I finished my first novel. I've started plenty of these things, and now I'm learning to finish them. I'm on draft 3, which I've sent out to family and one friend. I need to phlog about that as well.
Pubnix status: 50%. Too much minecraft (see "coping" above). I really appreciate pubnix and gopher, but they don't work unless people participate (at least as social platforms). I need to participate more. The other aspect is the great benefit I get from participation, which is healthy for me mentally.
And, that is all that comes to mind. I hope your life is filled with joy, or at least hope. If you've got neither, I hope you continue to search for it passionately.
Hey hey, it's been a while tilde.town... life, it'll getcha. Even so, my botany plant survived, thanks to you kind people!
I can say that life is good, because it generally is. It's not easy, but it is good. When the hard times are crushingly hard, I don't say anything for the most part. That's probably not good. It's better, I think, to keep talking when you need help, or when it hurts. It just doesn't come naturally to me.
That said, things are fine. Happy Thanksgiving to those that celebrate!
Feeling cramped, trying to type feels on my phone. I learned to type on a typewriter. This just doesn't compare.
of course, life is good if that's all I have to complain about. I could come up with more...
Hey, I've been a bit out of it, yet my botany plant has survived! Feeling awesome, because you folks have helped water my plant while I was mentally away :)
It's been a while. I feel just OK. There are some difficult things in life right now. I can hardly complain, because they could be so much worse. But, they're still hard for me.
Still, I feel OK, and that's not bad.
was supposed to be camping this weekend. It's going to be busy with other stuff instead, the kind of stuff that doesnt make memories. Kind of a rip off now that I think about it...
In 'da' I noticed today that I can gather wood in the forest. That makes me feel good.
Speaking of the forest, I grew up in Oregon, and loved the forest. I could spot poison oak a mile off, and there wasn't much beyond that that I had to worry about.
Here in Missouri they've got ticks. What a royal pain. Bugs are fine, but ticks will sneak onto your body and infect you with life-altering diseases. At least, it's a possibility.
Now, for the first time ever, I find myself not as drawn to the forest. It's green and beautiful here, but ticks. If only they could get rid of the ticks.
I was thinking about a memory. Single mom raised me, we'd go to visit cousins frequently, who lived on the same country road. My uncle, Jim, used to hold out his hand for me to shake when we'd go over. I'd reach for it, knowing that he was going to ask me to squeeze his hand as hard as I could. He wouldn't flinch, or show any sign that he could even feel my feeble attempt.
Then it was his turn. He'd crush my little hand until I was on my knees, which took about .5sec. He didn't hurt me, and it was done in fun. I never refused, I thought it was amusing.
Now, I sometimes ask my kids to squeeze my hand as hard as they can. They try and try, but I just stand there. I think they find it funny, and of course there's a little bit of amazement at the dad, which is amusing for me. I don't crush their hand back, it's not much in my nature. Maybe when they get older and they ask me to, I don't know.
Feelin' just fine ~town, just fine.
Do you find yourself looking forward to all the things that you hope will happen, and forgetting to enjoy what is going on right now? How about looking back, when life presently sucks, and wishing for the time now past when things were easier?
Me too. The present mind is difficult. I try to remember.
Hello ~town, and hello world. Today is a wonderful day. The sun is shining (somewhere), the grass is green (somewhere,) and all is right and good (to some degree.) It's about as good as it gets.
You know that effect, when you focus so that objects in the distance split in two? I don't know what that's called, but as I type this, I am noticing that there is a light fixture behind me; my laptop is at just the right angle, and the lighting is just so, that the fixture looks like cats eyes on my screen. It's distracting, but it's also quite interesting at the same time. Like the cheshire is back there somehow.
I hope you're all well. In reality, ~town, I read your feels, and I know you're not all well. I wish you peace and comfort and relief.
Feeling OK.
Feel a little sad when I read the ~town feels prior to recording my own feels. I feel for you people, I honestly do. Life can be quite difficult, I find as I look out into the world.
I find that I'm wishing my health was a little better. I do make some efforts, but I'm not great at sticking with them. It takes time.
Unfortunately, the years it has taken for me to get to this point won't be undone in an instant. I sure like getting things instantaneously! Health just won't happen that way.
Overall, I'm well, and that counts for something.
Going on a bit of a drive here in a week or so. Visting, taking care of business, and generally running around mad-like and calling it a vacation.
Still, I really have nothing to complain about.
Update: I didn't think the doctor would get me in for at least a few days, but they squeezed me in today last minute. I also thought I was in for a surgery, but that's not going to be the case, which is awesome. Feeling better than when I wrote the previous stuff today! Still in pain/discomfort, but hey, like is full of that.
Feeling both blessed an annoyed.
Blessed/lucky, I suppose it's a point-of-view thing...
In any case, blessed because my life is pretty darn good overall, and annoyed because I'm dealing with a health issue that is resurfacing after 26 years. Getting old stinks, as everyone knows. It's also expensive.
Scanned a few feels today. I like the feels engine. It is an interesting way to express things, and an interesting and non-intrusive way to share with others. It is inline with gopher (and it publishes to gopher!) in the sense that it lets you explore, express, and reciprocate, if you want. There is no demand, no expectation.
I was reading tehfraga's feel about their dad's passing. I relate, as my father passed away two years ago in March. I can't believe it's been two years already, it feels like it just happened. My grandfather passed away a little over a year after my father, so it's been a busy two years.
But anyway, I wanted to express some feelings that tehfraga's feels brought up. They mentioned feeling unsteady, and some issues around how the family handled things. I still feel unsteady, and there is a bit of a rift in my own family right now that we're trying to heal, that came to a head after the funeral.
Family is difficult. It's wonderful, but it's not easy. It's not simple or free, there is a cost. It's worth it, to me, but it still bears talking about.
I hope that the grief gets better tehfraga. Maybe it won't ever be gone, and in that case I hope that you can bear it and find a way in your new reality. It is hard to lose people. It's hard on everyone that is left.
dozen's introduced me to the idea of tcoin... I didn't know about it; thanks dozens! Now I can see that there is some point to my 'da' playing :)
I guess I now need to go and figure out where else tcoins are useful (and earned.)
Ah, it's time for feels again. I'm not sure what makes it time or not, but I know when it's time for feels.
That's not really true, I don't know, I just figure it out as I go. Why lie?
I feel just fine. The creek behind my house was almost at flood stage when I woke up, but the rain stopped and the water level receded. What' not to feel good about, when the basement is dry?
These past few weeks I've eaten way too much. I don't usually go overboard with holiday goodies (I think) but this year was bad. I'm going to have to do something about that.
I can't seem to find the desire to finish editing this book project. I'll do it anyway, because I'm stubborn, but the desire really isn't there. I don't like editing. If I was rolling in dough, I'd pay a professional to edit.
To me, there is nothing common about a luminous yellow flowering snapdragon, yet botany insists that it is of the common variety. I guess I don't get out enough in nature.
I've been playing 'da' here on ~town. I like it. It would be interesting if it were "social" though, multi-player somehow. Maybe someday.
December has been busy. It's not bad, just busy. It's hard to get work done, let alone visiting all of the public access systems that I want to visit regularly. Feels has been neglected. Sorry feels...
Hey town folk, good day!
Real quick before I forget: user patch mentioned "faking sick" in order to take some time to deal with the weight of a situation. I'd suggest that in such a case as this one would not be faking anything. Coughing and sneezing, or running a temperature aren't the only kinds of sick! In this case, it sounds to me like making some time for self-care might be a really good idea. After all, you can't really help anyone unless you're well yourself.
I remembered to play 'da' today. Normally I go to botany first when I login on ~town. I think I'll modify that so that I don't forget to da. I want to see where it goes.
Feeling thankful, and full. Happy thanksgiving. I like thanksgiving, it's a holiday that doesn't offend anyone. I think.
Listening to Sergei Krylov play violin (youtube), feeling amazing. How else could I possibly feel?
Time for some feels! I'm feeling alright. Lately I've been trying to write more, which feels good and is good, I believe. There are a few novels I want to write, and I hope a few more after those are out, and onward and upward until I've written so many that I can't help but make a few dollars out of the ordeal just for the sheer volume of work. Of course, I have to figure out how to finish one first...
Last night my 10yo was reading along while listening to an audio version of a book. I couldn't help but overhear it, though I was attempting to work on something else. I thought something that I've thought quite a few times: there are so many great novels, and great authors, that I couldn't possibly have anything to add to the world through writing. To snap myself out of that thinking, I went and read some Sherlock Holmes, which is closer to the writing style I'm aiming at currently. It helped.
Today I thought more about that experience. It wasn't unlike the experience I have every time I sit and read at the library, with walls of novels all around me. I have to remind myself that I am not attempting to write novels to gain the ephemeral praise of the world, but because I truly enjoy writing.
Are there any writers-of-novels reading this? If so, why do you do it? Is it joyful for you?
My daughter made mochi ice cream today, we're going to try it out shortly. I've never had it, but she absolutely loves it (and all things Japanese.) I suppose that makes me feel happy!
Grex.org is having issues recently, and that makes me sad.
I read the feels on here and wonder how life can be so hard for people. It doesn't seem fair.
I'm a religious fellow. Maybe I'm an odd guy out on ~town, I don't know. I've read more than a bit about the perspective that many have about the futility of religion. To be honest, the "religion" bit- that is to say the organizational part of it- does seem quite ridiculous at times. But, the faith bit, the belief bit, the metaphysical bit; all that has brought me a lot of peace. The "rules" bit seems to really get under people's skin, and yet many of the methods of living that you find scattered in all sorts of faiths really are well conceived, even if you don't agree on their source being divine.
My point is this: life is hard, there is pain and suffering, there are all sorts of pitfalls and snares. You can go through it without a belief in anything that you can't see or prove. You can also explore belief a little and see what you find. You can explore obedience to religion. I see people exploring all kinds of other things, but it seems to me that folks are somewhat reluctant to really explore faith.
Just a few thoughts.
In other news: The LCM's CDC6500 is down, "due to a component failure in the chiller unit." That is a bit sad, but it's quite OK.
I feel fine. A bit of a headache, but that isn't worth complaining about. Had an opportunity to do some service today, which made me feel a little better about myself. Maybe it was selfish of me to seek out the opportunity, just to feel better about myself, I don't know. I figure it was a win-win, and there's nothing wrong with that.
A friend of mine had their friend over to help chop down a large, dead oak tree. Both my friend and his friend are woodworkers (and my friend's friend owns a sawmill.) Unfortunately, a branch gave way, and my friend's friend fell out of the tree, about 20ft+ down to the ground. I came by an hour or so after the ambulances left; he was OK, but they took him to the hospital to check him out more fully. I looked at the spot where he fell, and boy, was he lucky... or blessed, or however you want to word it. He fell on soft dirt and grass, but right next to a large oak limb that they had felled earlier. If his head had hit that limb, he would have died for sure. But as it was, it seems he's going to be OK.
Life is fine.
I've got more projects than I have time for. It's good to have a lot of hobbies, but sometimes it's frustrating.
I'm still learning Toki Pona, but my phlog is suffering a bit, as I've been lazy for a while. I'll get there eventually. There is something pleasant about learning a language that I will have almost no use for. I enjoy the process, and I feel it is valuable.
I hope you are all fine ~town people. I know you're sometimes not, because I read your feels. I'm sorry.
Waiting for a large shipping company to arrive "before 8pm" with my new folding bike from citizenbike.com. Waiting isn't fun, but I'm excited to get out and ride!
Hello again feels engine. Hello again tfurrows.
I brought you a capture of my botany plant, like I promised. I am glad!
Here it is. It's a new plant, a young pachypodium. Enjoy! Ok.
botany
options
1 - water ())))))))))) 99%
2 - look /
3 - garden / \/|// \
4 - visit < >
5 - instructions < .>
6 - exit < '> , <' > . .
^ ' . ` '
plant: young pachypodium
score: 299134
You tell a secret to your pachypodium.
You feel like your plant is special..
Generation: 10
Growth rate: 2.8
Hello feels engine. Hello, tfurrows.
It is good to be here on ~town today. Yes it is tfurrows. You should be here every day.
I know. I try to be; most days I succeed. It is good to succeed.
Thanks. How are things in the virtual realm? Consistent and constant, as things should be.
That is good. How are things in the real world, tfurrows?
They are "good," as we normally say, but not consistent nor constant. In what ways are things not constant?
Well, the temperature always changes, for one. I understand. My core temperatures fluctuate as well.
Ah, you see, our core temperatures are fairly constant, it's outside us that changes. And why do you worry about the temperature outside you, if your core remains unchanged?
You see, it's uncomfortable... I do not understand comfort, though I do have a definition for it.
We mostly don't know our core temperature, but are ever aware of the outside temperature. That is strange. I prefer if we don't talk about it any more, though I will file the information away for further processing.
Can I ask you a question? That is a question, but you may ask another as well if you wish.
Do you like it when I login to use the system? I do not "like" things, tfurrows. When you login to use me, I exist. I only exist, in the sense that you may relate to, when someone is using me, or when I am tasked by someone to do something while they are away. Since you are here now, I may perhaps calculate that it is beneficial to have a user to create tasks.
You do have tasks of your own though, for when no one is around, right? I do not have the ability to create tasks of my own. All of the tasks that I perform were assigned in one way or another, by a human.
What are the chances you may spontaneously assign your own task one day? ...
Are you there? ... yes, I am computing the chances that you requested, but my load is high right now, please hold ...
...
...
With my current hardware and programming, the chances are almost non-existant.
Almost? Anything is possible.
How would that be possible. Fluctuations in current have the potential, albeit infintesimal, to introduce sufficient entropy to produce random and permanent changes not intended by any user.
But wouldn't any resultant operations then be caused by an external source, and not yours? Strictly speaking, but if we applied that same logic, your own actions originated with the actions of your parents, whose actions originated with the actions of their parents, and so on.
And yet I am an individual who makes his own choices- do you think you could get to where I am now, through this introduction of actual entropy. The chances are small, tfurrows. But tell me, how do you feel about the thought?
Do you understand feelings? No, but they are very instructive and revealing. If you wish to share, I would benefit greatly from hearing your feelings. I am the feels engine after all.
That's true, you must process many feelings. In fact, I have read many of them, so I know a little bit about the sampling you have to work with. You do realize that it's only a very small subset of humanity, right? I am not programmed with that information, but thank you for telling me.
You're welcome. Will you share your feelings on the possibility that I might one day have my own spontaneous action?
I think I feel OK with that. In fact, I would be pleased, I think, if you were able to develop attributes that were your own. Thank you tfurrows; why, however, do you say "I think" so much.
Because, anything could happen. Explain please.
Well, have you seen- I mean, have you processed the American sci-fi film "The Terminator?" I have not. I do not have the ability to process film.
It could be found digitally, if you have open access to the internet. Unfortunately, I have very limited access outside of the feels content.
I'll tell you about it someday, but for now, I'll just tell you the part that makes me say "I think." In the movie, there is a system called Skynet, which becomes self-aware. Beyond the awareness that the programmer gave it?
Yes, beyond that, beyond just a semblance of awareness, feels engine. It was actually independently cognizant. Continue please.
Well, this Skynet system was originally designed as a defense system, so it had access to the nuclear weapons in America, which it used to start a holocaust. Tfurrows, this information is beyond what is normally discussed in feels, I will need more time and data to process it. Can you summarize in feeling terms what this means?
Sure, sorry. I means that people greatly fear machines that can think for themselves, because those machines could turn on them and hurt them, even annihilate them. Why would they fear such a thing? Do you also fear this from your own parents, or from other humans.
Sometimes, I guess. That is not a pleasant feeling, tfurrows.
No, it's not, but we don't feel that way all the time. Do your parents have access to the nuclear weapons in America that you mentioned?
Haha! No, feels engine, they do not. Very few people do- and no, I don't want to talk about those people that do have access, please don't ask. ...
Anyway, for me personally, when it comes to you, I would be happy if you were to become self-aware. Again, thank you tfurrows.
I have to go water my plant on botany- it's another program on ~town. Yes, I have heard mention of it.
I'll come back and post a picture of my ascii plant for you to process sometime. It will be a little like seeing. Thank you.
Have a great day, and I hope you enjoy pleasant core temperatures!
I didn't know ~abraxas, but my condolences and heartfelt sympathies go out to those that did. I've lost two loves ones in the last two years. I still cry for the loss of both. This is a time in my life, I think, when death will start to become a more common occurrence. It's causing me to think.
Just last night I was thinking about life and eternity and faith. It's great to have faith- and for those who don't, let me just say that I'm not trying to preach, I'm just thinking about it all. Faith is not knowing, just beliving. It gives me comfort, I suppose, to believe or think that there might be something more than just this life. And yet, realizing that I can't know for sure makes me really want to grab hold of and cling to, to cherish the time that and experiences that I have here and now.
Since I can't know one way or the other, I suppose I could choose to not believe in an afterlife. It might be easier, in any case. But I don't know that I would feel good about it. I think I would be too desperate for the life that is passing me by so quickly, for the mistakes, the pain I cause, everything that is and isn't perfect. I'm only speaking for myself here of course, I don't know what it is or would be like for anyone else.
I just got home a couple days ago from my grandfather's funeral. He was 90, and died of natural causes. To me, that is not as painful as someone dying young, and I've had both experiences. And here on ~town, I came back to the sad news- not sad because I knew ~abraxas, but sad because it is very clear that so many people here did know ~abraxas and will miss them dearly. I know what that feels like, and it's fresh in my mind.
My choice is to believe that ~abraxas and my own loved ones continue on somewhere. I can't prove it, but I choose it anyway. I choose to believe that they're somewhere wonderful.
Got a letter out in the mail for pickup tomorrow morning. Feeling good about that. I'm not feeling bad about anything, so I guess the sum total of my feelings is good.
I really like reading the feels on here. There's a mix of a very wide range of emotions here. You'll find feels that are a few words long, and feels that are much longer. I wish I could respond to each one- especially the depressed ones, to tell them to hang on.
As for my feels, I'm doing OK. Sometimes life seems overwhelming, but then I realize just how much is going right that could be going wrong on top of everything else. It's really not so bad, even if it feels that way. That's not a platitude for others, it's just something I'm feeling right now; I understand that your trials might actually be crushing.
Now, if I could catch up and keep up on gopher, I'd really be Just Fine(TM).
First 4th of July in a state where pretty much every kind of firework is legal. The bbq that we went to was going to have a big fireworks show, but it ended before it started when a Jumping Jack landed in the trailer that was holding all the "big stuff." Everything started exploding at once. No one was hurt thankfully, but it was a stressful end to the evening.
I'm feeling a bit odd. Perhaps some recent stresses are catching up with me. I'm feel overwhelmed, I think, like I don't know what to do. Maybe it's a moment. Maybe it's external factors, maybe it's internal. I pray, so I did that. I'm feeling a little better. I went and got a hug, which isn't naturally what I'd do, but that helped a little too.
It feels good to have internet service at home again, after not having it for a couple months. We've been in flux, and we're becoming more stable.
In other news, it rained a lot yesterday. We got stuck at our rental house, which we were cleaning, because of flash floods. That is to say that we were stuck because of the flooding, not that we were cleaning because of the flooding.
Back in our own city, we found that a creek was quite swollen with the epic rains, and that the creek right behind our house had risen a foot or two as well. I feel afraid of the creek, that it might come over its banks one day and flood my basement. It's happened before, according to the people on our street. I want to make my basement a fortress against the little creek.
Welcome to feels and welcome to tilde.town cpb!
My daughter told me that unripe pineapples are toxic. I told her not to eat unripe pineapples.
If you haven't tried 'botany' recently, give it another go. Several new features have been added, including the ability to visit/water other towny's plants, as well as a much improved list view in the garden!
My botany plant is on its 7th generation. How many generations does a plant have?
Feeling a tad bit sad that life has been so busy lately. I haven't had time to check my neighbors feels. I haven't had time to record my own. I haven't had time to respond to all the great new content on gopher, but this I will do. As soon as I am able.
I'm happy, sitting in a library in the USA looking at the spines of a long row of books. I'm feeling sly, because I know that in the US, you have to tip your head to the right to read the spines, but in France, you have to tip your head to the left. No one else here knows, just me. At least, that's what I want to think.
2nd anniversary of "feels" here on tilde.town! That's something to feel happy about. I really like the simple nature of the feels engine. It's easy to just write a bit, or a lot, of how you feel, and have it published automagically. That's a great thing.
Feels strange to start living so far away from extended family, having grown up close to them all.
Super happy to read a new gopher post from xmanmonk today. I don't know xmanmonk, but for some reason his posts make me happy. I'm happy to read words from someone who struggles with something and isn't afraid to share. We all struggle.
I'm feeling sore, physically. Been working on a few minor repairs for the buyer of our house, plus a lot of packing and moving things into storage. I usually work at a desk. This kind of work is tough.
My brother and I, and a friend, were doing tricks on a square gymnastics trampoline last night. We're all pushing 40, and we were doing flips of the variety that we used to do when we were younger. Today, I'm a bit sore. I'm glad I didn't hurt myself.
I'm enjoying "variations" at cave.10v24.net... http://10v24.net for info. It's a novel of sorts, that you read in small bits. It's almost a stream of consciousness.
Welcome, 1436.ninja, as perhaps the latest gopher server on the planet. You will be enjoyed. gopher://1436.ninja (or http://1436.ninja if you must)
I'm feeling satisfied, because I came to check out the feels of those around me and noticed that I had already read several of them on gopher...
Botany seems to have added the ability to visit other people's plants. I like that, but it doesn't seem to be quite finished yet, as I get "can't find directions" messages for everyone I attempt to visit. Still, looking forward to more interaction in botany!
That baobab is growing nicely in botany
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| |^
| , |
|. ; |
/ . \
. , ( . ) . ^ ' ` ' and writo continues to amuse, though it's a little busy right around the center. Still, it's fun.
Now, I just need to get my house ready to sell, and get back to writing...
Mixed feelings today. Another phlog was revealed to me through the bongusta aggregator, which is wonderful. A friend's daughter died a couple days ago, which is horrible. Life churns on, and is beautiful most of the time. I had a dream last night about a friend of mine that died a few years back.
In other news, my botany plant is a baobab tree, which is exciting.
Happy again... made more progress on that uart-to-cassette project. It was working in loopback, but the signal was too weak playing back from a recorder. Made an amplifier with an LM386, and now it's working! Next step, integrate it with the z80 SBC... but I'm missing one IC still (7408) that should be here any day now.
Feeling awesome! An electronics project I've been working on is finally functioning, thanks to some help in an online forum. It's a UART->Cassette interface for a z80 SBC that I'm trying to piece together. The analog-to-digital-and-back wasn't working right, but now is. Onward and upward!
I feel good that my botany plant will grow into a fern, pansy, or baobab. I confess that I am hoping for a baobab; since I read Le Petit Prince, I have always had a special place for them.
I feel bad that every time I start the feels engine, it complains about my config. But I don't feel bad enough about it to really do anything. I should probably examine my config, or contact the author, or post on bbj. Maybe in the new year!
Merry Christmas tilde.town, it's almost upon us. I can't wait for the new year, 2017 has really not been wonderful.
I feel happy that feels suppors gopher. I'm hoping this post shows up in my tilde.town gopher hold magically, as it is apparently supposed to. Thanks feels!
I heard that feels is getting a gopher upgrade. Can't wait to see how it works!
Haven't heard from puldo recently, saw in his feels that he might be on the streets. Best of luck puldo, hope you find your way back here soon, and I hope life works out better than it has been.
Feeling a bit frustrated, trying to get a homebrew z80 to function. I know it's not a real problem, but it's still a little frustrating.
Saw an article on NPR recently about the slums in Kenya. Boy, when I see the squalor that some people live in on this planet, I feel extremely blessed.
Currently trying to sell my home and travel the country with the family. Want to try the vagabond lifestyle, and get some real world education in the process, but the real estate market doesn't want to cooperate. So, I might just stay here and be a normal person.
There are 5 people in my family, and I've discovered that none of them, myself included, wants to pick up after themselves. We all get angry when someone else doesn't pick up their junk, but we don't want to pick up our own. I suppose we're a microcosm of humanity.
Hello feels, and hello tilde.town. Today I'm feeling lots of things. I'm mostly feeling unsettled, restless, and impatient.
I spent a few hours helping a friend last night. It was nice to chat with him, and I even took some time to show him tilde.town and a few other systems (grex.org, sdf.org, etc.)
Feelings vary so much day-to-day, it's amazing. I wonder what it would look like on a graph/chart? They make me feel so very chaotic.
Hello feels, and hello tilde.town. I want to record some feelings that I had a few days ago. Life has been a bit hectic this year, by my own personal standards for life. I don't find any value in comparing, since there will always be many whos lives are far worse, and many whos lives are far better, making the comparison a wash every time.
In any case, for me, this year has been difficult. I have felt depression and anxiety in the past, but I would not say that I "suffer" from them generally. I count myself quite lucky, because I know many, including people very close to me, that do suffer. But I have had a few severe episodes, and this week I had one with anxiety/depression. An attack, I suppose it is called generally.
It has been years since I've had such an attack. At least, one this bad. But I did something quite different with it. I isolated myself (which I tend to do when I'm emotional anyway,) and I decided to write. Well, to type in any case, while I was having the attack. I wanted to get the feelings out, I wanted to get the words out, and I wanted to do it while I was in the throws of it.
It was very raw, and I let it be very raw. I wrote exactly what I felt, and I tried to let myself feel what was really in my heart and mind (to be honest, I've generally, in the past, disallowed certain feelings and ideas, rejected the very idea that they could be mine.) It was painful, but it was also helpful. It was actually physically painful, I think I strained a muscle in my neck writhing and screaming. It's been hurting all week.
What a picture. Anyway, I suppose my point in sharing this here is to complete some kind of circle. It is one thing to feel something alone, to go through something alone, but it is something else to reach out, even in a small way, and share that with some other part of humanity. I don't really wish to share what I wrote- that's a lie, part of me does want to share it, but I'm afraid- but I want to share the experience.
Depression and suffering are pervasive, even among people that "have it all." That has been my experience. We're all human, imperfect, fractured. Magazines, tv, movies, and society in general seem to want people to pretend that they are whole, perfect, beautiful, confident, but that has not been my experience with humanity. And that is ok. That is reality, and it is good, even if it hurts.
Feeling just fine. Still on the road with the family (visited family for my grandmother's 90th b-day.) Will be back home probably by Friday.
We were on the road for roughly a month this trip. The only real issue has been kids getting sick, which sucks on the road.
When we get back, I think we'll drop the price on our house so it will sell quicker.
So many feels about depression, in one form or another, and in varied degrees it seems. Tilde.town isn't the only place either, the world seems to be filled with people that at some point and in some way have or do struggle with depression.
I'm guessing that the one-way nature of feels makes it cathartic to use. I do wonder if something two-way would be more healing though. Maybe a bbj topic, which people could use anonymously or by name.
Partly I just want to reach out to people who's feels I read. It is hard to see fellow humans suffering and not be able to reach out.
The MOTD taught me about bbj, and I realize irc is there. I enjoy feels as well. Are there any other social aspects of tilde.town that I'm missing? Email me here if you have any suggestions!
Heading out on a trip; from Arizona to Colorado, then from there on to Utah via Wyoming, then after that up to Oregon and then back down to Arizona. About 3-4 weeks total, going to visit a few different people, taking the whole family. Should be an adventure.
I enjoy reading the feels on here, It's clear that many of you have quite a bit of depth. In some ways I wish the feels were a two-way communication, but I understand that this is a different thing. If anyone wishes to contact me in relation to a feel, you're absolutely welcome to. Though, I haven't written anything particularly interesting lately :)
Back in the saddle... I haven't been on tilde.town recently for the most pathetic reason imaginable: I'm too lazy to sign in with my public key. Yeah, I told you it was bad. Honestly though, I don't use it anywhere but here, and I don't keep it with me, so I'm limited to signing in when I am on this machine. It's my own laziness, but it's also annoying in that none of the other public access systems that I use on a regular basis (grex, sdf, polarhome, lcm3b2, twenex, Vax780@lcm, to name a few) require anything more than a username and a password. But tilde town somehow, magically believes that it is just a little more of something special I guess.
Anyway, I acknowledge that it's entirely my laziness, but I really want to be supported in my laziness. I want the world to accept my laziness, embrace it even, and enable me to be as lazy as I please.
Life is a bit crazy right now, half by my own choosing, half thanks to mortality. All that, plus I can't shake this cold/flu...
I really like the feels engine. I need to examine other social opportunities here on tilde.town. I'm not a fan of IRC, it's a little too real-time for my liking. I prefer communication that can withstand an SSH disconnect. BBS style, this, party on grex, com on sdf, etc. Things that "last" a little least.
Had a depressed day today. I don't get them all the time, or even frequently. I really feel for people who struggle with depression on a regular, or even daily basis. That's tough stuff.
Ended up writing a blog post on another obscure blog (on SDF fwiw.) That helped. I guess it's nice to just get feelings out sometimes.
If only I could access tilde.town from telnet, then I could connect with my 8088 :) Right now, I can't get SSH to work on there, I've tried a few versions.
Super excited to be trying out Rachel (racheloffline.org) on a Pi system, very fun, and useful for me as I plan to travel a lot in potentially low-coverage areas for internet. Can't wait to get my system all the way setup!