4 october 2026
so i came back from a hike and it's a sunday and i've got an essay due at midnight which is way not enough time but oh well i got the formatting and the works cited done so that's all that matters the 1500 words will just magically appear right???? and here i am writing words and meanwhile i am so sore and i haven't given my body time to recover from that cold and being employed is hell and who needs money anyways and i just want to curl up into a ball and sleep but actually feel refreshed afterwards and not even more stressed. like wake up and the temperature is just right and i don't have to do anything and get up and stretch and not feel stiff and like my limbs are made of wood and my tendons are too tight and i can't even touch my toes. why can't i have another night like that night on the tennis court? at least i have that scar from hopping the fence to remember it by...
and now i have less than four hours but what happens once my roommate comes back? do i actually physically move myself somewhere else? at night. i have not been able to write for school well since at least an entire year ago. what went wrong? what broke? why can i not answer basic fucking questions??
and i am so so tired. and i still have weeks and weeks of this.
today i woke up and i sat by a lake and watched as the golden leaves of autumn drifted down into the water and mist slowly lifted over the distant mountain. i made a little fire to warm my mug of water to make hot cocoa, and i made porridge with little bits of cut up apple and some honey. i saw a heron fly.
i showered and i dozed off for a bit. i almost forgot about this fucking thing i had to write.
i ate leftovers for dinner because i couldn't be bothered to actually do anything more complicated then scooping something into a bowl and microwaving it.