08 january 2018
(this post was inspired by the vocals on early sunsets over monroeville)
Hi Andrea,
no,
Hi love,
As you know, I'm starting school soon. I will stop doing that maybe in a few years. A degree would be nice.
That means a few things. For one, I won't work as much. Hurray! I'll have more time to dedicate to you!
Except
homework and school
and essays I can't write
I don't hope to have enough time for you, because I already know I will
If I have time for trips with friends and make cool spreadsheets, I have enough time to bring back feelings of closeness. How did it feel like to reach around your hips with my right arm and slip my (awkward) left hand under your pillow? How did it feel like to drive you places while you commented on how you never heard the songs I played? I still remember where we left off on Now You See Me 2, but I wouldn’t have guessed it’d stay unwatched for this long. There’s not much we can do about that.
How do you feel? If you miss me, I miss you too. I looked up how to maintain a long distance relationship, but you live 3 miles away. I looked up places to meet you early in the morning or close to night, but you can’t venture far off the usual routine without raising questions. How do you feel? During the ski trip, everybody asked if I was fine. While I sometimes forcefully think about off the cuff comedy during work to keep myself from crying about nonsense, and sometimes can’t seem to listen to MCR without drowning in memories, I feel ok enough. Are you ok?
Whatever I end up doing, I don’t want to leave you alone for too long. I would still like to do homework with you in the JC. McDonald’s will always have coffee and “our spot” is always vacant. For your sake (and mine), I don’t want to leave you alone for too long. I don’t know if your parents will ever forgive me, but I haven’t given up. I feel it’s wrong for me to string you along like this too. I know I’m the hardest person for you to see. I know it’s not everyday that I get to hear your voice. So, where can I go? Where can I to see your eyes? Because, I’ll go. I’ve gone to uncommon places to see you before, and it was worth it every time.
I can’t speak now. My voice is shot still. But when I can, please talk to me. Let me find a place in your schedule and I’ll find you a place in mine. This semester is more stable than the last one. Let’s make use of that.
Yours truly,
Ian