5 september 2026
Well...
The last day off was kind of an emotional one. We've been leading up to this time for a while now, but now that it's actually arrived I'm having a hard time processing.
It sure seems like I am seeing the last days of my old dog Tesla. She is going to be 15 years old in about a month. Over the last year she's started to develop bad arthritis and some kind of balance thing so she's not able to keep steady when she's upright. Lately taking her on walks has been tough, but walks were always her favorite thing as she's been very active and curious her whole life, so we got her a little cart to pull her in when she gets too tired to walk.
The last week has been kinda bad. Her energy has dropped to an all time low and she often doesn't want to eat. The young, spry, happy, stubborn, ornery little dog I've known her whole life is gone and a different dog has taken her place and it's all starting to hit me all at once. I don't know how long I have left with her. It might be a few months, it might be a few weeks.
I've been trying my best not to take her for granted. So on my day off, we decided to stay in and hang out with her as much as we could and we could tell she was fairly happy that day. She goes up and down in terms of her mood and energy, so I'm realizing that I'm going to really treasure when I see her happy. There are times when I catch her eyes and that young dog is still in there, but more and more I see her and she looks lost or scared or hurting and it breaks my heart.
I always knew this time would come, since the day we got her. But now that it's here it hurts like hell and I'm having a real time of it. :(
It was 2011 and Katie and I had been together for a year and some change. We decided the time was right in our relationship to get a puppy. We went to the SPCA website and found a dog we wanted, "Riley", and set out to go pick him up. When we walked into the building we saw another couple leaving with Riley in their arms. Dejected but determined we went inside anyway to see if any other pups caught our eye and we saw "Guiness". Guiness had a sister, but it was her that we were drawn to. She seemed so fun and bumbly and when we took her into the play room so see how she did around us all she wanted to do was play with the toys. We knew she was the dog. When we took her home, we named her in the car. Tesla. And she always did love her toys her whole life.
All I want is that we can take care of her the best we can as long as we can and that the good days outweight the bad ones while we still have her. I'm coming to grips with the fact that I'll never play fetch or tug of war with her again, I'll never see her running from one end of the backyard to the other to greet me after coming home, and she won't be able to "get" anybody anymore. But as long as she can