11 april 2022

Today I left for work about three hours late. I don't know why. I must have been sitting at home and done nothing the whole time. I don't remember exactly. I'm so exhausted. Then I was driving to my first appointment for today, called them to tell them I'm running late, but nobody picked up. I'm so exhausted. I hardly stayed in my lane and I think I was going far below the speed limit, like half or less. And then I arrived home. I don't know when or why I made the decision to drive back home. But I guess it was a better idea than continuing to drive hundreds of km away. I kind of remember intentionally ignoring my GPS for a moment. But most of the ~30 minute drive I can't remember. It feels like I was away far longer. I decided to go to the doctor. It's so exhausting to get up and walk down the stairs. But walking along the road feels normal. The corona test was negative btw. The doctor wasn't in. I was told to come back later. Now I'm sitting at home and everything feels normal except for a feeling of guilt for not going to work today. I still could and should. But I think I won't today and I can't explain to my boss or my doctor why not. I just sent him an email saying I'm sick. Maybe I am. Maybe I lied. I don't know.