03 july 2022
Tinn eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tus. Welcome back!
I finished a monotonues but necessary task today that I've been avoiding for months. I also cleaned the dishes, including those from last week. I did the minimum of paperwork that wanted to be done for work. I got almost 10 minutes of workout. I got some assumably healthy sleep. I managed to get more things done today than on many other days. But the list of things I should have done and finished today is so much, so incredibly much longer, that it doesn't matter what I did manage to do this weekend. And honestly, it's a bit pathetic anyway that writing down a couple of numbers, washing the dishes and filling out a few forms that I should have finished on Friday counts as getting things done in a day of my life.
And on top of that, it isn't even true. I wrote the above too soon. The dishes aren't finished, the monotonous task isn't finished and I had less than 6 minutes of excercise. I ate way too much, slept too much, I was too scared to leave the house, I didn't manage to clean any little part of the flat, I didn't even wash myself for days because it feels like that would take way too much energy.
This has been my life for months now, with more positive days inbetween. The outlook gets less and less good. I'm about to loose my flat and I still didn't find a replacement despite looking for over a year.
I started this entry to make myself see the positive things of today. But it's even harder to see now than before.
Health points overall status estimation: ~-
Alcohol so far: none
Nicotine: vaping, 0.1 mg/ml
PS: BUT, at least I didn't drink any alcohol despite wanting to since a certain encounter that happened yesterday and that I wish I could forget since.