09 august 2022
I don't like that I became a person who sometimes harbours spite. I don't usually say this because I expect this to sound conceitet. But now that it's no longer true, I might as well say it: I used to genuinly not understand how it is possible that people have malice or vicious feelings for others and not immedietly identify them as such and let them go. I understood, logically, that people can't help it and might act on those feelings under certain circumstances. But I couldn't understand how it's possible that they don't do it deliberately in order to be bad. I don't believe in the concept of bad people and people who do things that are considered bad by them or others don't usually do those things in order to be worse of a person. So why do people hate? It makes no sense! I have had experiences now that put me over the line on the side of people who hate some things and have not only had thoughts of malice but even acted on them when under stress and provoked. And I look on the other side of that line and see nobody, like everybody I ever talked about this apparently always did. I have an idea of how I could turn this into empathy and maybe even help to spread empathy by understanding some of the concepts of malicious thoughts a bit better. But that would be a big, long and emotional project.
Overall health status estimation: (~)+
Alcohol so far: none
Nicotine: vaping, 0.1 mg/ml