20 august 2022

One thing I don't like about my relationship with my mother is that whenever I try to explain to a friend how her malicious attempts at manipulating me or otherwise meddling in my private affairs, they take her side. Either they are a parent themselves and have lost the ability to imagine that somebody needs privacy from their parents, or they have a good relationship with their parents and can't imagine how it is to be abused by the only person in your life that you trust, the person you depend on while growing up. People don't believe that my mother intentionally acts in ways she thinks will hurt me most, that she is actively trying to drive me insane. People don't believe that her life is to a large degree fulfilled by trying to make people suffer because she belives that Jesus loves suffering. I hate this person more than I thought I could hate anything. I will be glas when she finally dies and leaves me alone! I passively with that it will happen as soon as possible. Some people tell me that I will, when I'm older, regret treating her the way I treat her now. But all I try is to not treat her, or even think of her, at all. I wouldn't have to tell her to leave me alone if she wouldn't start new attempts at invading my privacy all the time. So what am I supposed to do until I supposedly suddenly start understanding her? Live the life she imagined for me regardless of how much I suffer? I refuse! If my life will have had a purpose at all in the end, it will have been to at least have a good time once in a while. I refuse to let her take the outlook away from me.

Overall health status estimation: -

Alcohol so far: none

Nicotine: vaping, 0.1 mg/ml