21 november 2022
Deteriorating mental health of my mother after many years of no professional help. I think I've probably made it werse almost every time I talked to her in the last few years, and definitely every time I didn't. She did a lot to try to make me hate her. She eventually succeeded, in a way. But everybody always saw me obligated to improve my attitude towards her. I may have failed enormously at valuing her. But I honestly don't know how I could have done more. Now she is missing, may have tried to kill herself again, but this time with no friends around, may have succeeded and definitely is in emotional pain if not. But hasn't she been for years? I feel guitly. Much more than usual.
Overall health status estimation: --
Alcohol so far: none
Nicotine: some vaping, 0.0 mg/ml