02 december 2022
I feel like all I do is a waste of efforts. When I try to lose weight, live more healthy, do something good for somebody else, there is so fucking little I can bring myself to do that it doesn't matter at all. But I spend day after day, week after week, month after month, year after yeah generating effort to put in, hoping to achieve something but don't. Why do I even try? I put in effort every single fucking day for a year, and weigh more than I did before. I'm disgusted by my body every single moment I'm not distracted by something even worse. I hate how it feels when one fat flap rolls over another. I know I should loose them. I can't. I'm sorry but I really can't. It is an impossibility to not eat 5000 to 8000 kcal a day without suffering. And I don't want to suffer for every single day of the rest of my life!
Overall health status estimation: ---
Alcohol so far: none
Nicotine: vaping, 0 - 0.1 mg/ml