26 january 2023

I feel like I'm not meeting the standards of what I should be achieving at any given moment in time. I usually do. Not always. But when I don't feel that way, I don't really notice that I'm feeling fine. Most of the time though, I feel like I should get so much more done that what I am getting done. Right now I have a week off. And I really need more time for myself and to relax. There is nothing that I have to get done this week, really. But there are a lot of things that I could do if I had more time beside my job and eventually want to do when I do find the time. And all of those things weigh on my mood most of my free time. I'm renovating a house. A house that needs a lot of renovating. Inclluding a new foundation. That level of "renovating". So there would be a lot that I thoretically could do if I did have more free time and wouldn't feel the requirement to just do fucking nothing for a few days ("nothing" meaning surfing the web, watching TV shows, eating whenever I want whatever I want). I keep thinking: I deserve a few days of nothing between stressful weeks at work. And I even am getting small tasks done whenever I feel like doing them. But not nearly as much as I would have to get done in order to make me feel that I'm even getting even a fifth of the minimum done of what I consider a normal amount of things to get done in a day. And I'm talking about a whole week. So, I don't meet my own arbitrary standards of getting things done. And I'm aware I used the word normal. Why would that even be a good standard. And what even is normal? I shouldn't fret. I shouldn't agonise over this. It's OK to not work hard for 8 hours a day when I have a week off for the purpose of recovering/relaxing from work.

Overall health status estimation: - (meh)

Alcohol recently: Beeeeeer. No, yeah, I drink again. It could be worse. But yes, I do drink again.

Nicotine: Umm, nothing. Not even vaping with 0.0 mg/ml. The entire week. That could be considered a new milestone (that I didn't even have on my radar). But I don't feel the positivity.