27 may 2023
I don't know what I would do without alcohol. This may be just a phrase, but I really have no idea what I would do right now if getting drunk wouldn't be an option. Maybe I would cope by getting things done that I want or need to get done. Maybe I would sleep. Maybe I would go outside and be somewhere where I wouldn't feel the routine. Maybe I would be hurting myself. I don't know. But it feels quite obvious to be that I would be suffering somehow. From aspects of my life that I can't stand to think of, from remembering certain moments where I felt treated unfairly, from feeling everything that makes my life what it is instead of dulling the pain that makes me the repulsive me that I am when I'm sober. Another beer. Good.