centralfeels

explore tilde.town's latest feels

5:04 pm · 

Well hell, I've been out of commission the past couple days. Got a wicked cold, still trying to kick it. Got a steriod prescription of some sort to help with my chest, just waiting for the virus to run it's course at this point.

In conjunction with that, I've realized I have a stupid problem of being unable to actually finish anything. I've started hundreds of hobbies, and have failed to finish most of them. And it's not even inclusive to hobbies. I do websites for people and get them 80% finished, then somehow fail to get the rest done. It sucks.

That all said, my goal for the rest of the year is to start finishing things, even if they're small projects. Let's get that shit done, maybe that will get me out of this funk.

2:50 am · 

Small updates to tcoin

tcoin now shows the last 10 messages instead of the last 10 lines of messages.

It does this by ignoring the newline that separates a transaction line from the message line. The algorithm uses newlines to track messages, but counts 0 newlines for "\n" and 1 newline for "\n\n" (where \n means newline). This means that a message accompanying a transaction (which shows up as "\n_\n\n" will be seen by the algorithm as "_\n". This way, even transactions with messages (these span three or more lines) look like a single newline-suffixed lines to the algorithm.

tcoin now breaks down how the number of tildecoins you have was determined.

The number of tildecoin is base_amount + transfers + tildegame_amount + dailyadventure_amount. The base amount is 1000, which is the number of tildecoins that every account begins with. transfers is the net amount of tildecoins received. If more are received than sent, then transfers is positive. If the opposite is true, then it is negative. When both are equal, it is zero. tildegame_amount is the your tilde score in the !tilde game on #bots in the tilde.town irc. This game was created by ~krowbar. dailyadventure_amount is the coins you earn in the daily adventure game. This game is can be played by running da in the terminal. It was created by ~troido.

Those are the only two updates to tcoin. There was also some refactoring done, but the code is still spaghetti bolognese (and not the tasty, melts-in-your-mouth kind).

3:39 pm · 

I am sitting in a classroom waiting for my first class of the day as I type this, listening to Chassol's Big Sun yet again. Lately my local NPR station has been presenting some of its historical "StoryCorps" interviews, so I have heard a couple of these on my car radio before class in the morning, and they have been fairly tearjerking. There was an interview with Juan Romero, the man who held Robert F. Kennedy as he lay dying. Romero was a bellhop at the hotel where Kennedy had been staying, and recalled how Kennedy made a remarkable & congenial effort to aquaint himself with Romero and other members of the hotel staff, how all he could think to do when Kennedy was shot while shaking Romero's hand was to keep his head off the cold floor and give him the rosary beads he kept in his pocket. And there was an interview with Melvin Pender, who was ordered by the U.S. military to leave Vietnam, where one of the conscripts for whom he was responsible had just died in combat, to compete in the 1968 Olympic Games in Mexico City, where his roommate was John Carlos, a track athlete who famously delivered a Black Power salute from the podium as he was awarded a bronze medal. Pender and other athletes sent by the military were extensively warned not to participate in any such demonstration under threat of demotion, which would have meant Pender would not be able to return to the platoon he had promised to take care of. Pender recalled that after that eventful medal ceremony, Carlos, on the verge of tears, told him "I did what I had to do," & Pender told him he was proud of Carlos.

I have been looking to history, as many of us have, to answer a pertinent question: What is there for us to do, when we barely have control over our own individual lives? How do we stand up to injustice when we are only footsoldiers in the dominant social order, which has co-opted the formalities of democracy to lend authority to our marching orders? More and more, I suspect the answer will often lie outside the obviously or overtly political, & definitely outside traditional partisan lines. I am thinking, for example, of mutual aid, and also of anti-pipeline activism, which is thoroughly opposed by of the two dominant U.S. political parties and largely disowned by the other. I am thinking of local public libraries offering Spanish-language information on immigration law to patrons, and of the U.S. and French farmers who have been indicted by authorities for providing water, food, & temporary shelter to migrants in border regions.

But then, for me all of this is theoretical, because I spend essentially all my time trying to bring myself & my family into a more stable financial situation, through work & school. But I'd hope that if I had to do something in the city I'd at least be capable of videorecording a police officer who is moving to arrest someone, should that occur in front of me, but then there is the question of my everyday anxiety. Am I going to let that get the better of me?


I have reached what I think is the busiest point in my academic career since I came back to university to study computer science. As I've mentioned, this is my first semster studying CS full-time, and I'm trying to determine how much more simultaneous coursework I can handle before I have to step back and make some difficult decisions. I think I can sustain this level, at least, for a little while. There's some medical forms I need to submit that I wasn't aware of; I will not be allowed to register for fall courses until I have submitted immunization records, and I am trying to determine whether this hold will remain in place until I also submit paperwork from a physical exam. I hope this is not the case, because I have not had a physical exam recently enough and the earliest one I could schedule is after course registration opens. I can't keep going to my current GP for insurance reasons, so I have scheduled a physical at a comprehensive LGBT health clinic in Boston. I'm excited because I know it's a very good medical practice, but I'm also a little anxious because getting into Boston is difficult; either I have to carefully time a trip by public transit which will take a couple hours each way and involve several transit systems, or I have to find somewhere to park my car, either at transit stations whose parking lots tend to fill up, or at my destination, where I have to hope a metered spot is open or wind up paying a couple hours' wages to park in a garage.

12:10 am · 

"Naps Are Good"

I look back at my mis-spent youth;

all the naps I could have taken;

I thought that I knew better;

boy, was I mistaken.

Life passes by so quickly;

it all becomes a haze;

not nearly enough time,

for what life holds, these days.

It seems really quite silly,

when taken at first glance;

but you'll thank me when you're older,

if you nap at every chance.

2:21 pm · 

Hi all.

I need to get this out of my brain today, so this seems like a god place to dump it.

Driving my kids to their before-school care this morning, I came across a car stopped in the road and a boy aout my son's age lying in the street. I did not see the collision, but the boy had run out and the car had struck him. I stopped to make sure people had called an ambulance and authorities and if anyone needed anything.

It appears to have been a more minor collision (thank God), and the boy was breathing and moving on his own before the ambulance arrived to take him to be checked out at the hospital. However, even not having witnessed it directly, I can't help but feel dread and anxiety in the pit of my stomach. As a parent, you think about your own kids.

Anyways, it was a scary item from my day today, and I needed to write something just to help clear my mind. Thanks for reading.

Marc

7:20 am · 

things got bad super quick & i don't know what will happen next

i quit my job

i was being micromanaged & i wasn't happy--and it all more or less came while i was getting recognized for my work on the article for "The Believer"

the article was amazing btw

my ex's brother died in a car accident, then ~abraxas died and that was very sad.

i have now worn mourning for some thirteen days now.

i am relieved i don't have to work a desk job anymore, that i am a writer and that's how it should be, but it has been very hard this month and things are only going to get tougher.

of course no one cares or has any money, i'm always out of money

but i am confident things will pan out well like they always have. we can only be positive.

cuddling with riley seemed to help yesterday

doing cam shows for $$$ seems to be working albeit it's a very unusual way to make money

someone sent me a $5 bag of gummi bears

it's about 1/3 gone now

9:13 am · 

On call again. This is turning into my 4AM oncall journal, which is OK, I guess, right? :)

I feel like things are going really well for me lately. Almost feel bad saying that since a lot of what I read is about people being despreately unhappy or dealing with incredibly heavy shit. My heart goes out to each and every one of them.

My work situation is pretty great. I'm being challenged in ways I've never encountered before, but rather than being paralyzed by it, feeling drowned and overwhelmed in a wash of the immensity of it all, it's like I'm surfing! I take each challenge as it comes, do exactly as much as I can do as well as I can do it, and I'm being consistently rewarded for that!

It's crazy but it's almost like I NEEDED to struggle and fight and slog through the last 20 years of my career with all the ups and downs and all of it in order to actually be able to handle this moment.

I find myself thinking "Why didn't I do this/feel this way 20 years ago?" but maybe my younger self COULDN'T have done this or felt this way because I wasn't ready. Or maybe that's just an excuse?

 · 

time is bullshit, there's never enough


tear down this wall (no really i leave my terminal for half an hour and it's full of wall messages 🙃)

 · 

Concept: You're sitting on a beach on an unnamed Pacific island, your manservant has your phone and will let you know if something important comes up, you have the right amount of sunscreen on, you have a your drink of choice and 3 or 4 different interesting novels within reach.

Enya is playing. In the distance, a dinghy full of dogs approaches.

 · 

18:28

let's see. I finally worked out which pharmacy I'm gonna get my hormones from now that it matters since I got kicked off my parents' insurance. almost out of Vyvanse but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it? that's not gonna be fun.

also, school's been out for two days in a row because it randomly got so cold that there's ice on the roads. rip. and both days they were originally just gonna delay it but then I found out they actually switched to full-on cancelling. so, semester's been Very Weird so far.

23:19

I made over $100 camming tonight! it's good to be back :') camming is, out of all the jobs I've had, legitimately both the one I've enjoyed the most and the one I've made the most money doing. I'm gonna try getting back into it, but it's gonna have to be sporadically because my grandma kinda hovers a little, heh.

01:29

I think I'm developing a crush on someone, FUCK

14:16

first calculus class today. I was late but only by a few minutes so I didn't really miss anything. I really like my professor! he's a grad student and seems super cool. after class I went to the math department office to actually have the meeting to talk about whether I'm ready to take calculus and the person I talked to seemed encouraged that I didn't feel completely lost on the first day. she also liked that I'm majoring in sociology and minoring in computer science. well, specifically, she seemed a little confused (understandably) when she asked what I'm majoring in and I said sociology (so why do I want to take calculus?) but then I explained that I'm minoring in computer science and she said that that's a good way to make myself marketable because there's not a lot of people in sociology with a computer science/math background. which is certainly a refreshing change from the usual "but what are you gonna doooooooo with a sociology degree? why don't you major in comp sci and minor in sociology?" also, apparently the guy teaching my class is well-respected in the math department as someone who's really good at helping people understand stuff, so that's good! today started off a little weird (I fucked around too much instead of actually getting ready and stuff) but I'm feeling good now :)

 · 

New Year's Resolutions

They say encryption is hard

Encryption is hard. I've started and failed before. I had to revoke my keys so often, and just as often I've been unable to revoke them...

Anyway, I resolve to create and maintain the facility to send and receive email securely, that is, to use GPG effectively, with the public key published appropriately, with backups of the private key, etc.

Previous attempts have shown me that I am able to maintain systems that I use. If nobody sends me any encrypted mail and nobody receives any from me, then I won't maintain the system... I'll forget the passphrase, for example... Would anybody like to be my crypto buddy? I imagine that would mean that about once a month, I'd encrypt a message for that person and decrypt one they wrote for me. This is akin to workout buddies who compel each other to go to the gym, I suppose.

Meatspace

Speaking of the gym, I also resolve to quit smoking and lose some weight.

The fleet

I'm going to catch up on technical debt regarding my various machines. Why does metalbaby still run i3 when every other machine is running stumpwm now? Laziness, that's why. I resolve to clean up my fleet.

Old disks

I also resolve to continue my backup/archival work. That box of harddrives isn't getting any more compatible with readily available hardware. ...Well, it's probably more possible to bit-bang IDE (not ATA) these days than ever before, but why bother when I can still locate physical IDE hardware? ...or can I?

 · 

New car

Hey, I got a new car for my 20th birthday!

So I have a Hyundai Atos Prime since about a year. I needed this car to go to school, as public transports would take more than one hour. It's a yellow and fun car that my father paid for a “small” amount (2200 €) considered the small mileage on it.
Sadly at the time, I didn't knew a thing about car. I started getting interested in cars when I got mine, so looking back at it, it was quite a big mistake to buy this car and I hope I can sell it for somewhere between 1500 € and 2000 € but there's no guarentee, and that is really stressing me right now.
Anyway, my grand-mother is 95 and her ophthalmologist told her she shouldn't drive anymore. Great idea as the car took beatings every now and then. It's still quite cool she just stops driving at 95!
So for my 20th birthday (which is to come this next February 12), she offered me her car. Cool! It's a Peugeot 1007 (vive la France !), a “monospace” with electric sliding doors (yeah, that's the only car with that!). It's a dark blue model from 2009. Oh and it's an automatic transmission, huge improvement over my Atos Prime! It's also the sport version (that's rather funny to call a car like that a “sports car”): 1.6 L 16V 110 hp.
I now have ABS, ESP and 7 airbarg compared to the Atos Prime which has… 1 airbag. The only downside to this car is it's gas mileage. My Atos Prime was already a bit high with a fuel consumption of 5.9 L/100km on paper, but this one is at 6.6 L/100km on paper (will probably do more). The upside is that the annual maintenance has to be done every two years only! That's the only car I know like this, so the money I loose on fuel, I win it (I hope) on maintenance costs.

I'm thrilled to work, tweak, customize and drive this car for the next months/years to come! It's in really good shape with only 15k km, my grand-mother replaced the damaged parts as soon as they were damaged.

Happy to come back to tilde town, see you!

 · 

the breath of the wild dlc came out and now that's sapping up my free time too aaa too many video games

recently i tried out mastodon, it's pretty cool but the interface kinda sucks

i never have enough to write in these posts and it makes me sad.

 · 

Well, today is a new day. I just uploaded my new project to GitHub (http://github.com/nekmit/PyCryptoCheck).

Lol I was working on this python tracker for windows. Everytime I wanted to use that percent symbol, it would give me errors. But I wasn't going to declare a variable.

Python...

Anyways. Seeya!

 · 

wondering what to do about my vast array of too many sites all over the internet and almost kinda feel sometimes like starting with nothing & rebuilding. some things that keep me from doing that is that my :CL-HOMEPAGE package for common- lisp is neat & fun to have on the SDF but it's not as yet equipped to handle a blog-like interface. maybe working on a module that sorts such a thing out is a good next project. or maybe i should put :CL-HOMEPAGE on the backburner, as i'm quite veering away from the W3 altogether. i just started a new gopherspace at grex/cyberspace and love the protocol and system. maybe my web front should just mirror my new gopher. i don't know, a lot to think about.

 · 

How do you justify yourself to someone who does more than you have with less than you have?

 · 

I'm still making things and being frustrated when it is difficult to make things. Have to keep going. Keep making. Keep doing. Nothing makes me happier. ^ REMEMBER THIS ^