i am having major surgery on october 26
so much has changed in the last year. my aunt died in november of last year and it was utterly devastating.
then my little brother and two of our mutual friends contracted COVID-19. my little brother survived (thankfully) but the scare was very much a real
thing. my brother smokes and drinks and has very bad eating habits. i had to plead with him to lose weight if he got over COVID-19 if not for
recontracting this terrible illness and he thinks i am being crazy. our other two friends--they were very fat and had a number of health
conditions--they contracted it and died within weeks. i remember that the last thing i told them before they contracted was that weight was a
predisposing factor in whether a person could survive COVID-19 or not.
they'd been bedridden in their house for sometime; they both died of ARDS which is a complication of COVID-19.
my company is letting me work from home which is a blessing; i can't go to the gym these days so i follow a HIIT workout via youtube and lift
weights and go on three walks a day
i became a vegan, if only for just a few months before this major life-altering surgery
i still think about jumblesale
i still try to keep in touch with ~vilmibm and i fondly miss them
bobby and me are working on changes to sereno so when they hit i will post the pdf here
i miss old days of tilde. six years and the town has changed so much; i wonder who is new here. i have so many folks to say hello to.
chris found me in march and we've been talking. i had such a huge crush on him about five years ago. he's a firefighter.
the smoke here was terrible and we all suffered for nearly two weeks with awful AQIs in the thousands, the sky was obscured, the birds did not sing,
everything was in mourning
now it's raining and normal and i couldn't be happier.
god help my country, which is suffering from so much. america is dying and it is dying hard in a mire of racism and xenophobia and capitalism. i
hope it cracks and burns and i hope it takes every evil thing it brought with it
(edit) i failed to mention that i am in therapy now and i am getting the help i've needed for a while. i have complex ptsd
We're all stuck in The Great Lockdown for now. I was looking forward to
a bunch of events this spring / summber. Working from home and staying
in is REALLY good for my pocketbook, not so good for my sanity.
Sorry, no poem today.
Also sorry I haven't been around for a while. Life's been kinda busy.
Anyway, um, I'm semi-regularly blogging about surviving the global pandemic in
semi-isolation, on my Gopherhole here at Town. You should check it out, if
you're into that kind of thing. One of the more recent entries includes a
cookie recipe that's pretty good, if you bake in non-stoner ways.
I'm nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. This is my last semester & gods
willing I will have my bachelor's degree by the end of May. I've even signed a
job offer; I'm supposed to fly to the city where company headquarters are
located the day after the commencement ceremony so I can attend an orientation;
hardly sooner than I had signed the documents somebody booked the flights &
hotel room. I feel like I have somehow conned my way into a ticket out of
financial precarity & dependence.
The return of U.S. general election season has brought time into focus in an
unsettling way; my first child was born in early 2016, & I returned to
university classes in early 2017 after having dropped out entirely for four
years, not to mention the personal developments of other folks at home, so I've
had the feeling that so much has been happening in my life that I don't have the
time to actually experience any of it. The lives of others are even further
beyond my grasp. I care about them & am moved by them but I can view them only
I remember following the beginnings of the 2016 Bernie Sanders campaign before
he declared. I was in a very precarious retail job, struggling to maintain a car
that could get me to that job & pay the utility bills even after relying on my
relatives to help out with rent, & I felt like for once there was actually
someone willing to talk about reality on a national stage. I said in 2016 that
there would never be another moment quite like the campaign Bernie ran that
year, even if he ran again in 2020. I was right, but not in the way that I
expected. The Bernie 2020 campaign has been better, with a broader coalition &
All throughout 2016 I watched the resurgent growth of ethnonationalism with
horror. Brexit, Rodrigo Duterte, Richard Spencer. But since then time has so
outstripped me that it feels like I have been watching the last four years' news
Dim morning light filters through the window of my sparsely decorated and yet somehow too messy room, pushing its way past the clouds and smog to break my hungover sleep.
I don't want to be awake yet. It's only 7. It's the weekend. I'm still exhausted. I fight my way back to sleep, get another hard-fought forty minutes, forty more winks.
9 am, back awake. Tired but I don't have the energy to fight for sleep anymore. There's a text on my phone from the girl half a state away. She's getting ready for a day with no breaks, I'm not sure what I'll do with mine.
My roommate's bedroom light is on. It was on when I came home, too. They seem to be able to sleep through anything. Part of me is impressed. Part of me is thinking of the coming electric bill.
Holding a towel against my breast I scurry to the bathroom, might as well get the day rolling. My facial hair grows slower these days, thnks to a healthy regimen of spironolactone and estradiol. I shave as ritual, shower, let the steam fogging my mirrors envelop me like a warm blanket.
I dig a bra out of the pile of clothes on the floor. Throw on a flannel. I'm not expecting to do much of anything today. I haven't even put on pants yet, I'm just taking my time. Reading twitter. Browsing my podcast feed for soemthing good. My mind wanders.
The doorbell chimes so loudly I wonder if it's inside my own head. Weird. I'm not expecting a delivery. Maybe a mistake? I lazily look for a pair of pants, still scrolling on my phone.
The person in the hall tries for my attention again, urgency mounting. I find some pants, shout "Just a moment!" as I scramble to pull them on.
There's a delivery. A brithday present from my parents. Not an unwelcome surprise. I try to block the view inside my apartment with my body as I take the delivery. Clean is not a word I'd use to describe the scene.
"Sorry to ask this, do you mind if I use the restroom?" the delivery person asks, as if reading the part of my mind that concerns itself explicitly with what it doesn't want.
"No, no, that's fine. I hope you'll excuse the mess --," they dash into the restroom before I get the full sentence out. Great.
"Y'know, you're definitely a bachelor. I mean, look at this place" they say, coming out of the restroom.
"Ah... yeah, it's a bit of a disaster area. Roommate just moved in, I swear it was cleaner before..." I say holding back a twinge of shame and anger. Bachelor? I know for a fact my bra is on the floor of that bathroom.
The delivery person leaves. I try to swallow the exchange and move on. Food. I need food. I'm already dressed, so, might as well just grab my purse and leave. Go to the corner bar -- they serve brunch on weekends.
As I leave I catch my reflection. The delivery person's words ring in my mind. Bachelor. Maybe I should wear some makeup.
Screw it. I'm hungry.
Bar's mostly empty so I grab a cup of coffee and climb onto a stool. "Grilled cheese and mimosa, thanks". Comfort food.
Some time later, a waitress comes by with my food. "Sorry sir, mind moving your stuff?" There's no one near me. I hardly have an appetite.
I rush through brunch. Leave a 20 on the bartop and leave. Coffee, coffee solves all. I walk to the coffeeshop up the block while the delivery person and waitress' words bounce around my brain. Great. It's one of those days.
I may be getting too old for this :)
Late night on call seems to get harder and harder.
Maybe it's just me and I need to suck it up and deal. This job gives me and my lovely wife a really nice life and a shorter path to retirement.
Everything has its price I suppose :)
Going back to Tilde Town is always fun, sadly I don’t post much here.
I’m still working on all my personnal projects, preparing for the Young Makers Show of Monts 2019.
I’m also now studying embedded electronics engineering at l’École des Mines de Saint-Étienne. This course is an apprenticeship that I do at the company SES Nouvelle, which makes road signs (I work on dynamic ones with LEDs).
Small updates to
tcoin now shows the last 10 messages instead of the last 10 lines of messages.
It does this by ignoring the newline that separates a transaction line from the message line. The algorithm uses newlines to track messages, but counts 0 newlines for "\n" and 1 newline for "\n\n" (where
\n means newline). This means that a message accompanying a transaction (which shows up as "\n_\n\n" will be seen by the algorithm as "_\n". This way, even transactions with messages (these span three or more lines) look like a single newline-suffixed lines to the algorithm.
tcoin now breaks down how the number of tildecoins you have was determined.
The number of tildecoin is
base_amount + transfers + tildegame_amount + dailyadventure_amount. The base amount is 1000, which is the number of tildecoins that every account begins with.
transfers is the net amount of tildecoins received. If more are received than sent, then
transfers is positive. If the opposite is true, then it is negative. When both are equal, it is zero.
tildegame_amount is the your tilde score in the !tilde game on #bots in the tilde.town irc. This game was created by ~krowbar.
dailyadventure_amount is the coins you earn in the daily adventure game. This game is can be played by running
da in the terminal. It was created by ~troido.
Those are the only two updates to
tcoin. There was also some refactoring done, but the code is still spaghetti bolognese (and not the tasty, melts-in-your-mouth kind).
I need to get this out of my brain today, so this seems like a god place to dump it.
Driving my kids to their before-school care this morning, I came across a car stopped in the road and a boy aout my son's age lying in the street. I did not see the collision, but the boy had run out and the car had struck him. I stopped to make sure people had called an ambulance and authorities and if anyone needed anything.
It appears to have been a more minor collision (thank God), and the boy was breathing and moving on his own before the ambulance arrived to take him to be checked out at the hospital. However, even not having witnessed it directly, I can't help but feel dread and anxiety in the pit of my stomach. As a parent, you think about your own kids.
Anyways, it was a scary item from my day today, and I needed to write something just to help clear my mind. Thanks for reading.
i am back from a long absence
i've been working on tilde.team stuff, mastodon, pleroma, irc (mostly stuff with thelounge and tilde.team webchat)
good to be back :)
time is bullshit, there's never enough
tear down this wall
(no really i leave my terminal for half an hour and it's full of wall messages 🙃)
Concept: You're sitting on a beach on an unnamed Pacific island, your manservant has your phone and will let you know if something important comes up, you have the right amount of sunscreen on, you have a your drink of choice and 3 or 4 different interesting novels within reach.
Enya is playing. In the distance, a dinghy full of dogs approaches.
let's see. I finally worked out which pharmacy I'm gonna get my
hormones from now that it matters since I got kicked off my parents'
insurance. almost out of Vyvanse but I guess we'll cross that bridge
when we get to it? that's not gonna be fun.
also, school's been out for two days in a row because it randomly got so
cold that there's ice on the roads. rip. and both days they were
originally just gonna delay it but then I found out they actually
switched to full-on cancelling. so, semester's been Very Weird so far.
I made over $100 camming tonight! it's good to be back :') camming is,
out of all the jobs I've had, legitimately both the one I've enjoyed the
most and the one I've made the most money doing. I'm gonna try getting
back into it, but it's gonna have to be sporadically because my grandma
kinda hovers a little, heh.
I think I'm developing a crush on someone, FUCK
first calculus class today. I was late but only by a few minutes so I
didn't really miss anything. I really like my professor! he's a grad
student and seems super cool. after class I went to the math department
office to actually have the meeting to talk about whether I'm ready to
take calculus and the person I talked to seemed encouraged that I didn't
feel completely lost on the first day. she also liked that I'm majoring
in sociology and minoring in computer science. well, specifically, she
seemed a little confused (understandably) when she asked what I'm
majoring in and I said sociology (so why do I want to take calculus?)
but then I explained that I'm minoring in computer science and she said
that that's a good way to make myself marketable because there's not a
lot of people in sociology with a computer science/math background.
which is certainly a refreshing change from the usual "but what are you
gonna doooooooo with a sociology degree? why don't you major in comp sci
and minor in sociology?" also, apparently the guy teaching my class is
well-respected in the math department as someone who's really good at
helping people understand stuff, so that's good! today started off a
little weird (I fucked around too much instead of actually getting ready
and stuff) but I'm feeling good now :)
New Year's Resolutions
They say encryption is hard
Encryption is hard. I've started and failed before. I had to
revoke my keys so often, and just as often I've been unable to revoke
Anyway, I resolve to create and maintain the facility to send and
receive email securely, that is, to use GPG effectively, with the
public key published appropriately, with backups of the private key,
Previous attempts have shown me that I am able to maintain systems
that I use. If nobody sends me any encrypted mail and nobody receives
any from me, then I won't maintain the system... I'll forget the
passphrase, for example... Would anybody like to be my crypto buddy?
I imagine that would mean that about once a month, I'd encrypt a
message for that person and decrypt one they wrote for me. This is
akin to workout buddies who compel each other to go to the gym, I
Speaking of the gym, I also resolve to quit smoking and lose some
I'm going to catch up on technical debt regarding my various machines.
metalbaby still run
i3 when every other machine is
stumpwm now? Laziness, that's why. I resolve to clean up
I also resolve to continue my backup/archival work. That box of
harddrives isn't getting any more compatible with readily available
hardware. ...Well, it's probably more possible to bit-bang IDE (not
ATA) these days than ever before, but why bother when I can still
locate physical IDE hardware? ...or can I?
the breath of the wild dlc came out and now that's sapping up my free time too
aaa too many video games
recently i tried out mastodon, it's pretty cool but the interface kinda sucks
i never have enough to write in these posts and it makes me sad.
Well, today is a new day.
I just uploaded my new project to GitHub (http://github.com/nekmit/PyCryptoCheck).
Lol I was working on this python tracker for windows.
Everytime I wanted to use that percent symbol, it would give me errors.
But I wasn't going to declare a variable.
Where do I start ?
It has to start somewhere
...but what ?
wondering what to do about my vast array of too many sites all over the internet
and almost kinda feel sometimes like starting with nothing & rebuilding. some
things that keep me from doing that is that my :CL-HOMEPAGE package for common-
lisp is neat & fun to have on the SDF but it's not as yet equipped to handle a
blog-like interface. maybe working on a module that sorts such a thing out is
a good next project. or maybe i should put :CL-HOMEPAGE on the backburner, as
i'm quite veering away from the W3 altogether. i just started a new gopherspace
at grex/cyberspace and love the protocol and system. maybe my web front should
just mirror my new gopher. i don't know, a lot to think about.
How do you justify yourself to someone who does more than you have with less
than you have?
I'm still making things and being frustrated when it is difficult to make things.
Have to keep going. Keep making. Keep doing.
Nothing makes me happier.
^ REMEMBER THIS ^